THE CHOLERIC IN CONTROL
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
We are going to examine the Choleric in Control.
In review, Control is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory relationship with people in respect to decision making, control and power.
The Choleric in Control strengths are: being personable (charming), people motivators, leaders, well-organized, disciplined, confident.
The Choleric in Control weaknesses are: a harsh temper, being controlling, an intolerance of weakness, lack of emotions, requiring man’s recognition; being a chameleon (can be whatever it takes).
“A Choleric is a Choleric is a Choleric.” In other words, a Choleric needs people. It does not matter whether they are a Choleric in Inclusion, Control or Affection, the bottom line is: THEY NEED PEOPLE!
In this issue we are going to review possible questions a Choleric in Control Counselee might ask:
- Q. Why do I like to make decisions?
- A. You have confidence in your decision making abilities.
- Q. Why must I always be in control?
- A You were created to be a leader, not a follower and in order to lead, you need to be in control. If you are not in control, you will tend to become stressed.
- Q. Why do I prefer to “make the rules”?
- A. You are good at making the rules.
- Q. Why do I feel my way is the only way when I am asked to lead?
- A. You have confidence in your leadership abilities.
- Q. Why do I want to make decisions for those around me?
- A. You believe that your way is best for them.
- Q. Why do I react in anger when things don’t go my way?
- A. You believe your leadership abilities are being questioned.
- Q. Why do I become angry at others when they don’t accept my input?
- A. You believe that they are not giving you recognition and approval.
- Q. Why do I constantly need recognition and approval?
- A. You need this because it tends to keep you motivated.
- Q. What will happen if I do not receive recognition and approval?
- A. You may become angry and refuse to do anything more for the person that withheld recognition and approval from you. In other words, you tend to want to punish them for not giving you the recognition and approval you feel you deserve.
- Q. Why do I need others to listen to what I have to say without giving me their input?
- A. You need a sounding board. You want them to listen to you as you “bounce” your ideas off of them; doing this will help you to pull your thoughts together.
- Q. Why must I feel the need to control what college my child will attend?
- A. You believe you know the right school for them.
- Q. Why must I feel the need to choose the courses they should take?
- A. You believe you know what career would best suit them.
- Q. Why will I walk away from a project if they will not take my advice and listen to my ideas?
- A. You are angry and insulted.
- Q. Why do I get so upset when those around me start to cry?
- A. You do not deal well with emotionalism since you do not understand this emotion. You see it as a weakness. Your thought is, “Man up; don’t be so wishy-washy.”
- Q. Why can I be very charming and then, when I don’t get my way, I can become mean and/or abusive?
- A. You try to motivate people with charm; however, if the charm does not work, you may revert to using anger. If you are not careful, you could possibly become mean and/or abusive.
- Q. Why do I see people as a machine?
- A. Since you are task-oriented, you see people as “equipment” to be used to complete the project and get the job done. This is how you approach almost everything you do. You need to learn to see people with the eyes of Jesus.
- Q. What can I do when I become angry?
- A. You need to “cool off” and find a friend that you can “bounce off” your thoughts and/or ventilate your anger. This will help you collect your composure and diffuse your anger.
- Q. Why do others, at times, look at me and say, “Who are you?”
- A. You are like a chameleon; you can be whatever it takes to accomplish your goals. Sometimes you may look in the mirror and say, “Who am I?”
- Q. Why am I so controlling in school? My parents are always receiving calls from the school informing them that I am telling the teacher how to run the class.
- A.You have strong leadership capabilities, and it comes naturally for you to do this; however, you need to learn to submit to those in authority.
- Q. What can I do to help myself?
- A. Learn to: Develop a close relationship with the Lord and dedicate your achievements to Him and seek His recognition and approval.
- “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.” James 4:10
- Submit to those in authority over you, starting with God. He created you to love Him, and out of your love for Him you will desire to submit and serve Him. Once you learn to submit to His authority, you will truly become the leader God created “
- If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour.” John 12:26
- Become more sensitive (compassionate) to the needs and feelings of others. After all, God created them just as He did you, and He wants you to treat them with respect.
- “Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.” I Peter 3:8, 9Deal with your anger more constructively.
“Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.” Psalm 37:8