Temperament Corner

THE POWER OF WORDS

A careless word may kindle strife;
A cruel word may wreck a life.
A bitter word may hate instill;
A brutal word may smite and kill.
A gracious word may smooth the way;
A joyous word may light the day.
A timely word may lessen stress;
A loving word may heal and bless.
Author Unknown

A word fitly spoken is like
Apples of gold
in pictures of silver.
Proverbs 25:11

But I say unto you, that every idle word that
men shall speak, they shall give account thereof
in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou
shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be
condemned.
Matthew 12:36-37


COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY WITH THE
SANGUINE IN AFFECTION

dsc02210-2-1
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno


Communication is the key to all relationships. When we do not communicate properly, the results can be devastating. Miscommunicating can cause anger, wars, murders, family splits, divorces, etc.

The Free Dictionary on the Internet describes the word “communication” to mean: “a. the art and technology of using words effectively to impact information or ideas. This would be verbal communication.”

Archie Bunker, the rather blunt father in the old TV series, “All in the Family,” made this statement:

THE REASON YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME, EDITH, IS BECAUSE I AM TALKIN’ TO YOU IN ENGLISH AND YOU’RE LISTENIN’ TO ME IN “DINGBAT!”

I am sure that at one time or another, we have probably all felt like saying that to someone who does not understand what we are trying to communicate to them.

However, when counseling, you cannot say what Archie Bunker said, but what you can do is learn to understand your counselee’s God-given temperament.

As a temperament counselor, you know that we are not all “wired” the same. Each temperament acts, responds and perceives things differently.

When you are counseling a temperament different than yours, you need to learn to set your temperament tendencies aside and counsel this person according to their temperament.

In this issue we are going to look at the Sanguine in Affection to see how to communicate with them according to their temperament.

When you communicate with them:

1. You should not say:
You fear rejection and will say and do things you know are wrong, but will do them anyway.

You should probably say:
You tend to have a fear of rejection and can, at times, do things you know are wrong. You need to remember that God is always with you and He will never leave, forsake or reject you.

2. You should not say:
You will adopt the behaviors and morals of others—good or bad in order to meet your need for love and affection.

You should probably say:
You tend to take on behaviors and morals of others in order to meet your need for love and affection. You need to always remember that your behavior should be pleasing to God.

3. You should not say:
You are highly emotional, especially when you are rejected by your deep relationships, and will react with outbursts of anger. This is because you dont think through the end results of your words and actions. You should consider the possible consequences of your words and actions.

You should probably say:
You tend to be highly emotional when rejected by your deep relationships and will tend to have outbursts of anger. You need to learn not to explode in anger when rejected, but rather discipline yourself—count to ten before you react.

4. You should not say:
You make unreasonable demands on your deep relationships and suffocate them because of your high need for love and affection.

You should probably say:
You tend to be overly demanding for love and affection from your deep relationships. You need to remember that they may not require or express as much love and affection as you do. In order to keep from being overly demanding on your deep relationships, you need to seek your love and affection from the Lord first.

5. You should not say:
You suffer from anxiety if you are not told constantly that you are loved, needed and appreciated by your deep relationships.

You should probably say:
You tend to need to be told constantly that you are loved, needed and appreciated; however, when you are unable to be around your deep relationships and you begin to feel anxious, you need to learn to interact with God. He is always there for you.

When counseling a Sanguine in Affection, you need to be aware of the following regarding this temperament:

You want to approach the Sanguine in Affection in a friendly, but professional manner.

The Sanguine in Affection has a short attention span, and you need to make sure that they are listening to you—especially after you have talked for a while. You can do this by stopping what you are saying to ask if they have any questions, etc.

As you can see, communicating according to a person’s unique temperament is invaluable. The Sanguine in Affection will learn that:

1. They can be inspiring and uplifting and can make others feel loved, needed and appreciated. They can be like the “sunshine” on a cloudy day.

2. They need to not explode in anger when they feel rejected, but rather to take a deep breath and count to 10. Their anger is usually for the moment, but the person toward whom they show anger may remember the angry explosion for quite a while. See Psalm 37:8: “Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.” 

3. They should not reject people who do not express love and affection in the same manner as they do.

4. They must be careful not to adopt the bad morals of others when they are trying to meet their need for love and affection.

5. They do not need to fear rejection, for God is always with them. They are never alone.

It is important to know that each temperament has strengths and weaknesses. We need to remember that God created the Sanguine in Affection just as He did the other temperaments in order to complete the Body of Christ.

God created the Sanguine in Affection with the ability to be very inspiring, uplifting and loving.

The Sanguine in Affection needs to learn to recognize the needs of their deep relationships. In so doing, they will learn that not everyone has the same temperament needs in Affection that they have.

The Sanguine in Affection needs to learn to look to God first for their love, affection and approval. When they look to God first, they will not make ungodly demands on their deep relationships, for they will be able to see their deep relationships with the “Eyes of Christ. See Deuteronomy 6:5: “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.”

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Sanguine in Affection, you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at ways to communicate with a Supine in Affection counselee.

Home | I.R. Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

THE POWER OF WORDS

A careless word may kindle strife;
A cruel word may wreck a life.
A bitter word may hate instill;
A brutal word may smite and kill.
A gracious word may smooth the way;
A joyous word may light the day.
A timely word may lessen stress;
A loving word may heal and bless.
Author Unknown

A word fitly spoken is like
Apples of gold
in pictures of silver.
Proverbs 25:11

But I say unto you, that every idle word that
men shall speak, they shall give account thereof
in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou
shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be
condemned.
Matthew 12:36-37


COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY WITH THE
PHLEGMATIC IN AFFECTION

dsc02210-2-1
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno


Communication is the key to all relationships. When we do not communicate properly, the results can be devastating. Miscommunicating can cause anger, wars, murders, family splits, divorces, etc.

The Free Dictionary on the Internet describes the word “communication” to mean: “a. the art and technology of using words effectively to impact information or ideas. This would be verbal communication.”

Archie Bunker, the rather blunt father in the old TV series, “All in the Family,” made this statement:

THE REASON YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME, EDITH, IS BECAUSE I AM TALKIN’ TO YOU IN ENGLISH AND YOU’RE LISTENIN’ TO ME IN “DINGBAT!”

I am sure that at one time or another, we have probably all felt like saying that to someone who does not understand what we are trying to communicate to them.
However, when counseling, you cannot say what Archie Bunker said, but what you can do is learn to understand your counselee’s God-given temperament.
As a temperament counselor, you know that we are not all “wired” the same. Each temperament acts, responds and perceives things differently.
When you are counseling a temperament different than yours, you need to learn to set your temperament tendencies aside and counsel this person according to their temperament.

In this issue we are going to look at the Phlegmatic in Affection to see how to communicate with them according to their temperament.

When you communicate with them:

1. You should not say:
You establish few deep relationships and do not usually want to initiate.

You should probably say:
You tend to establish few deep relationships, and you tend to prefer to respond to your deep relationships rather than initiate.

2. You should not say:
You are overly protective of your low energy and do not want to get too involved with your deep relationships.

You should probably say:
You tend to have low energy and try to protect your energy, so you prefer to be an observer rather than get too involved with your deep relationships.

3. You should not say:
Some people say that you appear to be selfish, unemotional and uncaring.

You should probably say:
You may tend to appear to be selfish, unemotional and uncaring to your deep relationships, but this is because you are emotionally guarded and rarely reveal your deep, tender feelings.

4. You should not say:
You expect your deep relationships to use their energy to establish and maintain the relationship, and you will respond—sometimes just to keep the peace.

You should probably say:
You tend to prefer to respond to your deep relationships rather than initiate, so that you can preserve your low energy.

5. You should not say:
You are protective of your low energy, so you only establish and maintain few deep relationships.

You should probably say:
You tend to be protective of your low energy. You need to learn to maintain balance between protecting your low energy and staying involved with your deep relationships.

6. You should not say:
You can frustrate your deep relationships when you use your “dry” sense of humor. This is because they do not know if you are serious or joking, so your “dry” sense of humor can frustrate and irritate your deep relationships.

You should probably say:
You tend to use your “dry” sense of humor as a means of keeping your deep relationships from exhausting your low energy; however, you need to learn that your humor can be frustrating, irritating and hurtful, so you need to learn to choose your words carefully.

7. You should not say:
You don’t want your deep relationships to touch, hug and kiss you all the time; you would prefer that they express their love by doing tasks for you.

You should probably say:
You tend to prefer that your deep, personal relationships express a minimal amount of touching, hugging and kissing. This is because you feel more comfortable if they express their love by doing tasks for you.

When counseling a Phlegmatic in Affection, you need to be aware of the following regarding this temperament:

You want to approach the Phlegmatic in Affection in a friendly, but professional manner.

Since you know that they are a Phlegmatic in Affection, you need to be aware that they tend to be perfectionistic and can be critical of their deep relationships.
As you can see, communicating according to a person’s unique temperament is invaluable. The Phlegmatic in Affection will learn that:

1. They need to learn to make an effort to stay involved with their deep relationships and not just be an observer. They need to maintain a balance between being involved and protecting their low energy.

2. They need to learn not to use their “dry” sense of humor in a cutting or hurtful manner in order to keep their deep relationships from draining their energy. They need to choose their words carefully.

3. They need to learn to accept rather than reject expressions of love and affection from deep relationships, especially if they express their love and affection in a manner which Phlegmatics do not feel comfortable expressing. They need to realize that not everyone expresses love and affection by doing tasks.

4. They need to learn that, because they are emotionally guarded and rarely reveal their deep tender, feelings, they can appear to be selfish, unemotional and uncaring to their deep relationships.

5. They need to learn to let down their guard and learn to moderately express love and affection with hugs, kisses, etc., for they need to realize that their deep relationships love them and need to be loved in return.

It is important to know that each temperament has strengths and weaknesses. We need to remember that God created the Phlegmatic in Affection just as He did the other temperaments in order to complete the Body of Christ.

The Phlegmatic in Affection has few deep relationships because they prefer to observe life rather than become too involved. They need to stay involved in life, not only for themselves, but also for their deep relationships.

God created the Phlegmatic in Affection to be realistic in both the amount of love and affection they need and the number of people from whom they need it. They are peacemakers and will negotiate with loved ones to keep the peace—sometimes just to keep them from draining their energy.

The Phlegmatic in Affection needs to learn to express their deep, tender feelings in ways their deep relationships can feel loved. This may mean coming out of their comfort zone to moderately express love and affection with hugs, touching, kissing, snuggling, etc.

The Phlegmatic in Affection tends to want love and affection expressed according to their terms, but they need to learn to accept love and affection from their deep relationships in the manner with which they express love and affection.

The Phlegmatic in Affection needs to learn to look at their deep relationships with the “Eyes of Christ” to see them as Christ sees them, rather than how the Phlegmatic in Affection expects or wants them to act and react.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Phlegmatic in Affection, you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at ways to communicate with a Sanguine in Affection counselee.

Home | I.R. Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

REFLECTING GOD’s LOVE AT CHRISTMAS

By Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

Matthew 5:14-16: “Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

The greatest gift that God gave us is His Son, Jesus Christ, and because of this gift, we can have eternal life.

This gift did not come beautifully wrapped with a big red bow from a department store; this gift came from a manger, wrapped in swaddling clothes.

You see, when God gave us this gift, it was because of His perfect love for you and me. He longs to have a personal relationship with each of us. He knows that we will stumble and fall, but He is there, holding out his arms saying:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

This Christmas, let’s look at how we can reflect God’s love so that it shines on this dark world just as it did when the angels appeared to the Shepherds.

The Choleric can reflect God’s love by using their gift of leadership to bring people together. They are good at organizing events such as caroling through the neighborhood, dinners, Christmas pageants, etc.

The Melancholy can reflect God’s love by using their gifts of creativity such as making Christmas gifts, building the sets for the Christmas pageants, writing the Christmas pageants and music as well as playing and singing the Christmas songs.

The Phlegmatic can reflect God’s love by using their gift of peacemaking along with their good “eye” for details. They are good at getting involved with Christmas activities that require patience to do tedious tasks.

The Sanguine can reflect God’s love by using their gifts of interacting with people and by participating in the Christmas events. They usually enjoying being socially involved whether it is church services, dinners, Christmas caroling, volunteering to deliver food gifts, etc.

The Supine can reflect God’s love by using their gift of serving. They will prepare the food, set up the tables, decorate the tables, serve the food, clean up afterwards, wash the dishes, fold up chairs and tables, set up sets for plays, take down the sets and anything and everything else that needs to be done.

All the temperaments can reflect God’s love at Christmas time and all year through.

During the Christmas season, in order to reflect God’s love, all temperaments need to remember to:

  1. Keep Christ the center of their Christmas; this is His birthday!
  2. Maintain balance and not become overloaded with activities that may cause stress.
  3. Find ways to show God’s love to those around thembe a reflection of His love.

Ephesians 5:2: “And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savour.”

Ephesians 5:8: “For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light.”

Home | I.R. Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

THE POWER OF WORDS

A careless word may kindle strife;
A cruel word may wreck a life.
A bitter word may hate instill;
A brutal word may smite and kill.
A gracious word may smooth the way;
A joyous word may light the day.
A timely word may lessen stress;
A loving word may heal and bless.
Author Unknown

A word fitly spoken is like
Apples of gold
in pictures of silver.
Proverbs 25:11

But I say unto you, that every idle word that
men shall speak, they shall give account thereof
in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou
shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be
condemned.
Matthew 12:36-37

COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY WITH THE MELANCHOLY IN AFFECTION

Communication is the key to all relationships. When we do not communicate properly, the results can be devastating. Miscommunicating can cause anger, wars, murders, family splits, divorces, etc.

The Free Dictionary on the Internet describes the word communication to mean: “a. the art and technology of using words effectively to impact information or ideas. This would be verbal communication.”

Archie Bunker, the rather blunt father in the old TV series, “All in the Family,” made this statement:

“THE REASON YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME, EDITH, IS BECAUSE I AM TALKIN’ TO YOU IN ENGLISH AND YOU’RE LISTENIN’ TO ME IN “DINGBAT!”

I am sure that at one time or another, we have probably all felt like saying that to someone who does not understand what we are trying to communicate to them.

However, when counseling, you cannot say what Archie Bunker said, but what you can do is learn to understand your counselee’s God-given temperament.

As a temperament counselor, you know that we are not all “wired” the same. Each temperament acts, responds and perceives things differently.

When you are counseling a temperament different than yours, you need to learn to set your temperament tendencies aside and counsel this person according to their temperament.

In this issue we are going to look at the Melancholy in Affection to see how to communicate with them according to their temperament.

When you communicate with them:
1. You should not say:
You rarely say “I love you” to your deep, personal relationships.

You should probably say:
You tend to say “I love you” to your deep, personal relationships by doing tasks for them rather than express it in words. This is because you tend to relate better to tasks than you do to people.

2. You should not say:
You don’t want to make yourself vulnerable, so you do not express your deep, tender feelings.

You should probably say:
You tend to want to protect yourself from being vulnerable, so you prefer not to express your deep, tender feelings.

3. You should not say:
You have a fear of rejection.

You should probably say:
You tend to fear that your deep relationships will reject you, so you tend to have a difficult time initiating love and affection.

4. You should not say:
You will become angry and want to get even when a deep, personal relationship hurts or rejects you.

You should probably say:
You tend to become angry and may want to get even when a deep, personal relationship hurts or rejects you. You need to learn to forgive them, just as God has forgiven you.

5. You should not say:
You are devastated when you lose a deep, personal relationship, and it is difficult for you to develop another deep relationship.

You should probably say:
You tend to have deep, tender feelings, and you tend to be devastated when you lose a deep, personal relationship, so you tend to be cautious about developing another deep relationship.

6. You should not say:
You feel your “space” is being invaded if your loved ones want to touch, hug and kiss all the time. You prefer them to keep their hands to themselves.

You should probably say:
You tend to prefer that your deep, personal relationships express a minimal amount of touching and hugging because it tends to make you feel that they are suffocating you.

When counseling a Melancholy in Affection, you need to be aware of the following regarding this temperament:

You want to approach the Melancholy in Affection in a friendly, but professional manner.

Since you know that they are a Melancholy in Affection, you need to be aware that they tend to be perfectionistic and can be critical of their deep relationships.

As you can see, communicating according to a person’s unique temperament is invaluable. The Melancholy in Affection will learn that:

1. They need to express their deep, tender feelings in order to meet the needs of their deep relationships. In other words, they may need to come out of their “safety zone.”

2. They need to turn to God and become secure in His love. This will lessen their devastation over the loss of a deep relationship.

3. They need to accept love and affection, not reject it, from their deep relationships, especially if they express their love differently.

4. They need to forgive a deep relationship that has hurt or rejected them because they will tend to want to get even. If they do not forgive, they may become bitter and resentful. Because of this anger and bitterness, they may also commit sexual sins.

5. They need to overcome their fear of rejection. They need to learn to trust others and stop placing the burden of proof on them in order to feel safe in a new relationship.

It is important to know that each temperament has strengths and weaknesses. We need to remember that God created the Melancholy in Affection just as He did the other temperaments in order to complete the Body of Christ.

The Melancholy in Affection has few deep relationships because it is devastating to them when they lose a deep relationship; therefore, because of the fear of losing a relationship, they may wind up being alone rather than to develop a new relationship.

God created the Melancholy in Affection with deep, tender feelings. Their love runs so deep that they would sacrifice their life for their deep relationships.

The Melancholy in Affection needs to learn to express their deep, tender feelings in ways which are comfortable to them and in ways their deep relationships can feel loved.

The Melancholy in Affection needs to learn to look at their deep relationships with the “Eyes of Christ” to see them as Christ sees them, rather than how the Melancholy in Affection expects or wants them to act and react.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Melancholy in Affection, you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at ways to communicate with a Phlegmatic in Affection counselee.

Home | I.R. Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

THE POWER OF WORDS

A careless word may kindle strife;
A cruel word may wreck a life.
A bitter word may hate instill;
A brutal word may smite and kill.
A gracious word may smooth the way;
A joyous word may light the day.
A timely word may lessen stress;
A loving word may heal and bless.
Author Unknown

A word fitly spoken is like
Apples of gold
in pictures of silver.
Proverbs 25:11

But I say unto you, that every idle word that
men shall speak, they shall give account thereof
in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou
shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be
condemned.
Matthew 12:36-37

COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY WITH THE CHOLERIC IN AFFECTION

Temperament Corner by, Dr. Phyllis J. ArnoCommunication is the key to all relationships. When we do not communicate properly, the results can be devastating. Miscommunicating can cause anger, wars, murders, family splits, divorces, etc.

The Free Dictionary on the Internet describes the word communication to mean: “a. the art and technology of using words effectively to impact information or ideas. This would be verbal communication.”

Archie Bunker, the rather blunt father in the old TV series, “All in the Family,” made this statement:

THE REASON YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME, EDITH, IS BECAUSE I AM TALKIN’ TO YOU IN ENGLISH AND YOU’RE LISTENIN’ TO ME IN “DINGBAT!”

I am sure that at one time or another, we have probably all felt like saying that to someone who does not understand what we are trying to communicate to them.

However, when counseling, you cannot say what Archie Bunker said, but what you can do is learn to understand your counselee’s God-given temperament.

As a temperament counselor, you know that we are not all “wired” the same. Each temperament acts, responds and perceives things differently.

When you are counseling a temperament different than yours, you need to learn to set your temperament tendencies aside and counsel this person according to their temperament.

In this issue we are going to look at the Choleric in Affection to see how to communicate with them according to their temperament.

When you communicate with them:

1. You should not say:
You use your ability to be warm and charming to maintain control of your deep, personal relationships.

You should probably say:
You tend to try to motivate your deep personal relationships by being warm and charming.

2. You should not say:
You develop deep relationships with individuals who are weak-willed, then resent their weakness.

You should probably say:
You tend to develop relationships with individuals who are not as strong as you, but after a period of time, you may resent their inability to be as strong.

3. You should not say:
You can’t tolerate it when your deep relationships overwhelm you with expressions of love and affection, such as hugs and kisses, etc. You want them to express love and affection by doing special things for you, such as tasks; however, you do need a moderate amount of love and affection.

You should probably say:
You tend to have a difficult time relating to your deep relationships that constantly express their love and affection with hugs and kisses, etc. You would prefer they do tasks for you; however, you do need a moderate amount of love and affection.

4. You should not say:
You have certain standards that you expect to be met by your deep relationships before you will express love and affection to them. If they do not live up to your standards, or if they are too “clingy” and “emotional, you see this as weakness and you will reject them.

You should probably say:
You tend to feel more comfortable if your deep relationships express their love and affection for you by doing special task-oriented things rather than be too clingy and emotional. If they are too “clingy” and “emotional,” you will tend to reject them.

5. You should not say:
You are capable of making your deep relationships feel loved, needed, and appreciated; however, you need to receive recognition for making them feel loved. If your deep relationships do not give you this recognition, you will become angry and withhold your love and affection.

You should probably say:
You tend to feel more comfortable expressing your love and affection to your deep relationships by doing special things for them rather than by being overly affectionate. You do need them to give you recognition for doing these special things, and if they do not, you may become angry and withhold your love and affection.

6. You should not say:
You tend to lack emotional development.

You should probably say:
You tend not to be able to express the emotions that other temperaments express; however, as you grow in your relationship with the Lord, you will become more like Him and more able to express these emotions.

When counseling a Choleric in Affection, you need to be aware of the following regarding this temperament: 

You want to approach the Choleric in Affection in a friendly manner.

Since you know that they are a Choleric in Affection, you need to be aware that they tend to be perfectionistic and critical of their deep relationships.

As you can see, communicating according to a person’s unique temperament is invaluable. The Choleric in Affection will learn that:

  1. They need to recognize the needs of others when expressing love and affection, not just their own needs.
  2. They need to learn not to reject people and the love they express, even though they do not express it according to their standards.
  3. They need to learn not to see emotionalism as a weakness from others, and they need to allow them to be who God created them to be.
  4. They need their deep relationships to express or show love by doing special things (tasks) for them rather than just by word or physical touch, but they do need some words and physical touches, too.
  5. They do not require a great deal of love and affection, but at times it can appear that they do because they tend to express love and affection to motivate their loved ones.

It is important to know that each temperament has strengths and weaknesses. We need to remember that God created the Choleric in Affection just as He did the other temperaments in order to complete the Body of Christ.

God created the Choleric in Affection with the ability to make family and close friends feel loved, needed and appreciated.

The Choleric in Affection needs to learn to recognize the needs of their deep relationships and not put demands on them for love and affection in ways with which they are not comfortable.

The Choleric in Affection needs to learn to look at their deep relationships with the “Eyes of Christ” to see them as Christ sees them, rather than how the Choleric in Affection wants them to act and react.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Choleric in Affection, you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at ways to communicate with a Melancholy in Affection counselee.

Temperament Corner

THE POWER OF WORDS

A careless word may kindle strife;
A cruel word may wreck a life.
A bitter word may hate instill;
A brutal word may smite and kill.
A gracious word may smooth the way;
A joyous word may light the day.
A timely word may lessen stress;
A loving word may heal and bless.
Author Unknown

A word fitly spoken is like
Apples of gold
in pictures of silver.
Proverbs 25:11

But I say unto you, that every idle word that
men shall speak, they shall give account thereof
in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou
shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be
condemned.
Matthew 12:36-37

COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY WITH THE SUPINE IN CONTROL

Temperament Corner by, Dr. Phyllis J. ArnoCommunication is the key to all relationships. When we do not communicate properly, the results can be devastating. Miscommunicating can cause anger, wars, murders, family splits, divorces, etc.

The Free Dictionary on the Internet describes the word communication to mean: “a. the art and technology of using words effectively to impact information or ideas. This would be verbal communication.”

Archie Bunker, the rather blunt father in the old TV series, “All in the Family,” made this statement:

THE REASON YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME, EDITH, IS BECAUSE I AM TALKIN’ TO YOU IN ENGLISH AND YOU’RE LISTENIN’ TO ME IN “DINGBAT!”

I am sure that at one time or another, we have probably all felt like saying that to someone who does not understand what we are trying to communicate to them.

However, when counseling, you cannot say what Archie Bunker said, but what you can do is learn to understand your counselee’s God-given temperament.

As a temperament counselor, you know that we are not all “wired” the same. Each temperament acts, responds and perceives things differently.

When you are counseling a temperament different than yours, you need to learn to set your temperament tendencies aside and counsel this person according to their temperament.

In this issue we are going to look at the Supine in Control to see how to communicate with them according to their temperament.

When you communicate with them:

  1. You should not say:
    You’re not a leader; you are follower.
    You should probably say:
    You do not like to make leadership decisions on your own; you prefer to follow others.
  2. You should not say:
    You are weak-willed and highly motivated by guilt, and you will motivate others with guilt.
    You should probably say:
    Sometimes people will try to motivate you by using guilt. You may, at times, use guilt to try to motivate others to help you.
  3. You should not say:
    You will become angry and feel used because you lack the ability to say “no,” and you will take on more responsibility than you can handle.
    You should probably say:
    You have a servant’s heart and tend to have a difficult time saying “no” when people ask you to take on more than you can handle. This can cause you to become angry and feel used.
  4. You should not say:
    You have indirect behavior and expect people to read your mind and know what you want.
    You should probably say:
    You tend to prefer that people know what you want. You do not like to ask for help; rather, you want them to help you because they genuinely want to do so.
  5. You should not say:
    You tend to become anxious when forced to make decisions.
    You should probably say:
    You tend to feel inadequate and insecure when needing to make decisions, but you must remember that these are only feelings, not fact.

When counseling a Supine in Control, you need to be aware of the following regarding this temperament:

You want to approach the Supine in Control in a friendly manner.

The Supine in Control is probably coming into your office with a fear of rejection and may appear to be quiet or “shy.”

Since you know that they are a Supine in Control, you need to initiate the conversation and then allow them the time to respond. Once they know they are accepted, they will more readily open up and share their problems with you.

As you can see, communicating according to a person’s unique temperament is invaluable. The Supine in Control will learn that:

  1. They do not like to express control over others or make the rules; they prefer to enforce the rules.
  2. They can become anxious, fearful and stressed if they have to make decisions, so they need to have help with their decision making. They usually know the right thing to do; they just want approval.
  3. They need to learn to depend on God to help them make decisions, for He will always be there for them.
  4. People may act and react differently than they do, and this is all right because God created each of us uniquely.
  5. They cannot expect others to read their mind and know what they want.

It is important to know that each temperament has strengths and weaknesses. We need to remember that God created the Supine in Control just as He did the other temperaments in order to complete the Body of Christ.

God created the Supine in Control with a gentle spirit, and they are needed for the Kingdom of God to be followers and enforcers of the rules; however, they cannot truly be a good follower and enforcer of the rules until they have submitted to God.

The Supine in Control needs a friend to help them when making decisions; therefore, we need to encourage them to find a friend to help them make their decisions rather than make them alone. The best friend they could ever have is God. He is always there for them.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Supine in Control, you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

Temperament Corner

                THE POWER OF WORDS  

             A careless word may kindle strife;
             A cruel word may wreck a life.
            A bitter word may hate instill;
            A brutal word may smite and kill.
            A gracious word may smooth the way;
            A joyous word may light the day.
            A timely word may lessen stress;
            A loving word may heal and bless.
                                                   Author Unknown

                                  A word fitly spoken is like
                                           Apples of gold
                              in pictures of silver.
                                                      Proverbs 25:11

              But I say unto you, that every idle word that
              men shall speak, they shall give account thereof
              in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou
              shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be
              condemned.
                                                                                    Matthew 12:36-37

 

COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY WITH THE SANGUINE IN CONTROL

Temperament Corner by, Dr. Phyllis J. ArnoCommunication is the key to all relationships.  When we do not communicate properly, the results can be devastating.  Miscommunicating can cause anger, wars, murders, family splits, divorces, etc.

The Free Dictionary on the Internet describes the word Communication to mean: “a. the art and technology of using words effectively to impact information or ideas. This would be verbal communication.” 

Archie Bunker, the rather blunt father in the old TV series, “All in the Family,” made this statement:

THE REASON YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME, EDITH, IS BECAUSE I AM TALKIN’ TO YOU IN ENGLISH AND YOU’RE LISTENIN’ TO ME IN “DINGBAT!”

I am sure that at one time or another, we have probably all felt like saying that to someone who does not understand what we are trying to communicate to them.

However, when counseling, you cannot say what Archie Bunker said, but what you can do is learn to understand your counselee’s God-given temperament.

As a temperament counselor you know that we are not all “wired” the same. Each temperament acts, responds and perceives things differently.

When you are counseling a temperament different than yours, you need to learn to set your temperament tendencies aside and counsel this person according to their temperament.

In this issue we are going to look at the Sanguine in Control to see how to communicate with them according to their temperament.

When you communicate with them:  

  1. You should not say:

You swing like a pendulum in the area of Control. There are times that you are independent and other times that you are dependent and become selfish and self-indulgent.

You should probably say:

You tend to have conflict in this area. You swing like a pendulum. There are times that you are independent and want to be in control and other times that you are dependent and want someone else to be in control. When you are dependent you can be self-indulgent and selfish.

  1.  You should not say:  

You are driven to swing from independent to dependent when approval is withheld, and you will self-indulge.

You should probably say:

You tend to swing from being independent to dependent when you feel that you have done a great job and approval is withheld.

  1.  You should not say:  

You will stop in the middle of an important project if someone criticizes you, puts you down or withholds approval.

You should probably say:

You tend to not want to complete a project, no matter how important, if you are criticized or put down or you do not receive approval.

  1.  You should not say:  

When you swing into your dependent mode, you will self-indulge. This self-indulgence may be in the form of drinking, drugs, sexual sins, gambling, etc., all of which would be offensive to God.

You should probably say: You tend to self-indulge when you swing into your dependent mode. You need to learn to self-indulge in ways that are not offensive to God. For example, you could watch an old movie, eat some ice cream, take a bubble-bath, go out to lunch or dinner, plant some flowers, etc.

  1.  You should not say:  

You are weak-willed when in the dependent mode, and you can be easily swayed—you can be talked into almost anything.

You should probably say:

You tend to be easily swayed when you are in your dependent mode, and people may try to take advantage of you.

  1.  You should not say:  

When you are in your independent mode, you will take on a tremendous amount of responsibility or volunteer yourself in order to receive recognition and approval from people.

You should probably say:

You tend to take on more responsibility than you can handle when you are in the independent mode. This is because you want recognition and approval for a job well-done; however, you need to learn to receive God’s recognition and approval so that you do not need to seek the approval of people.

When counseling a Sanguine in Control, you need to be aware of the following regarding this temperament:

You do not want to approach the Sanguine in Control by appearing controlling or critical. You need to allow them to express why they are here for counseling.

Because they are leaders in the Control area, they tend to want to take control of the conversation. They tend to want to give you their input on how you should conduct this session.

However, since you know that they are a Sanguine in Control, you need to suggest to them that you have a few things to cover with them and then you will give them the opportunity to express their thoughts. By doing this, you can keep control of the sessions.

As you can see, communicating according to a person’s unique temperament is invaluable.  The Sanguine in Control will learn that:

  1. They swing from independent to dependent—dependent to independent.
  1. When they are in their independent mode, they are in control; when they are in their dependent mode, they can become self-indulgent and selfish and do not want to be in control.They need to find ways to self-indulge that are pleasing to God.
  1. They need to surround themselves with people that will respect their swing and will be there to help them and pick up the “slack” until they can swing back up to being independent.
    1. They need to seek God’s approval rather than the approval of people.

When you teach a Sanguine in Control to learn to submit to God and His headship, they will be less likely to seek man’s approval. They cannot be a good leader until they have submitted to God’s authority over them. The Sanguine needs people to follow them and submit to their authority when in their independent mode; however, when they are dependent, they need others to take over until they swing back up to being independent.

Please remember that God created a Sanguine in Control with leadership capabilities and they are needed for the Kingdom of God. He also created them with a pendulum swing that will keep them from burning out.

It is important to know that each temperament has strengths and weaknesses, and we need to always remember that God created the Sanguine in Control to be a leader— a leader that swings from independent to dependent. Because of this swing, the Sanguine in Control needs to learn to work with others.

We need to encourage them to become godly leaders so they can fulfill the call God has on their life.

PLEASE NOTE:  These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Sanguine in Control you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at ways to communicate with a Supine in Control counselee.

Home | I.R. Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

                THE POWER OF WORDS  

             A careless word may kindle strife;

             A cruel word may wreck a life.

            A bitter word may hate instill;

            A brutal word may smite and kill.

            A gracious word may smooth the way;

            A joyous word may light the day.

            A timely word may lessen stress;

            A loving word may heal and bless.

                                                   Author Unknown

                                  A word fitly spoken is like

                                           Apples of gold

                              in pictures of silver.

                                                      Proverbs 25:11

              But I say unto you, that every idle word that

              men shall speak, they shall give account thereof

              in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou  

              shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be  

              condemned.

                                                                                    Matthew 12:36-37

 

COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY WITH THE PHLEGMATIC IN CONTROL

Temperament Corner by Phyllis ArnoCommunication is the key to all relationships.  When we do not communicate properly, the results can be devastating.  Miscommunicating can cause anger, wars, murders, family splits, divorces, etc.

The Free Dictionary on the Internet describes the word communication to mean: “a. the art and technology of using words effectively to impact information or ideas. This would be verbal communication.”

Archie Bunker, the rather blunt father in the old TV series, “All in the Family,” made this statement:

THE REASON YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME, EDITH, IS BECAUSE I AM TALKIN’ TO YOU IN ENGLISH AND YOU’RE LISTENIN’ TO ME IN “DINGBAT!”

I am sure that at one time or another, we have probably all felt like saying that to someone who does not understand what we are trying to communicate to them.

However, when counseling, you cannot say what Archie Bunker said, but what you can do is learn to understand your counselee’s God-given temperament.

As a temperament counselor you know that we are not all “wired” the same. Each temperament acts, responds and perceives things differently.

When you are counseling a temperament different than yours, you need to learn to set your temperament tendencies aside and counsel this person according to their temperament.

In this issue we are going to look at the Phlegmatic in Control to see how to communicate with them according to their temperament.

When you communicate with them:  

  1. You should not say:

You will become independent, stubborn and immovable when people try to force you to change your leadership decisions.

You should probably say:

You tend to resist people when they try to force you to make changes regarding your leadership decisions. This is because you believe that you have done your very best.

  1.  You should not say:  

You have a dry sense of humor that is sarcastic, hurtful and cutting that you will use on people when they try to control you.

You should probably say:

You tend to use your dry sense of humor as a defense mechanism to keep people from controlling you, especially when you feel yourself becoming “overloaded” and drained. Don’t let your humor become sarcastic, hurtful or cutting.

  1.  You should not say:  

You become stubborn and “dig” in your heels when people want you to take on more responsibility, and then you will distance yourself from them.

You should probably say:

You tend to become aloof and distant when you are asked to carry more than what you believe is your “fair” share. This is because you have low energy and you are trying to protect what energy you have.

  1.  You should not say:  

You will stubbornly procrastinate and become non-committal when people push you for a commitment.

You should probably say: You tend to resist people who are pushing you for a commitment.  This is because you have low energy and you must triage your day in order to complete the work to which you have already committed.

  1.  You should not say:  

You tend to like to work shoulder-to-shoulder with others, and if they do not live up to your expectations of perfection, you will use your humor in a sarcastic, hurtful and cutting way to put them down.

You should probably say:

You like to work shoulder-to-shoulder with others, and you expect them to do their best; when they do not, you tend to use your humor in a way that may discourage them. You must remember to use your humor in a way to build up and encourage them.

  1.  You should not say:  

You tend to wear a mask of aloofness and indifference to keep people from controlling you.

You should probably say:

You have low energy and in order to keep people from draining you, you tend to appear aloof and distant so they will not try to control you.

  1.  You should not say:  

You tend to want peace at all cost and will take the path of least resistance to negotiate this peace.

You should probably say:

You are a good negotiator.  This is because you tend to want peace for all concerned without expending a great deal of your valuable time and energy.

When counseling a Phlegmatic in Control, you need to be aware of the following regarding this temperament:

You do not want to approach the Phlegmatic in Control by appearing controlling, as they will stubbornly resist your attempts to control or motivate them.

You need to provide them with facts and options and allow them to make their own choices.

They probably came for counseling only because they were being pressured to do so. This is because they need a peaceful environment.

As you can see, communicating according to a person’s unique temperament is invaluable.  The Phlegmatic in Control will learn that:

  1. Their humor can be sarcastic, cutting and hurtful to their targets and that they need to use their humor in a less harmful manner.
  1. They are good peacemakers and negotiators; however, they should not take the path of least resistance to negotiate this peace, but rather they should do their best for all involved.
  1. They need to allow people to be imperfect, especially when others do not live up to their Phlegmatic ideals of perfection. They must remember that only Jesus is perfection.

When you teach a Phlegmatic in Control to learn to submit to God and His headship, they will learn to be more considerate of those around them.  They cannot make good decisions as peacemakers and negotiators until they have submitted to His authority; otherwise, how can they expect others to submit to their authority?

It is important to know that each temperament has strengths and weaknesses, and we need to always remember that God created Phlegmatics in Control with the much-needed ability to be peacemakers and negotiators; therefore, we need to encourage them to become good peacemakers and negotiators in the Kingdom of God and to use their humor in an edifying way rather than a sarcastic or hurtful way.

PLEASE NOTE:  These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Phlegmatic in Control you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at ways to communicate with a Sanguine in Control counselee.

Home | I.R. Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

                         THE POWER OF WORDS

              A careless word may kindle strife;

              A cruel word may wreck a life.

             A bitter word may hate instill;

             A brutal word may smite and kill.

             A gracious word may smooth the way;

             A joyous word may light the day.

             A timely word may lessen stress;

             A loving word may heal and bless.

                                                    Author Unknown

                                   A word fitly spoken is like

                                            Apples of gold

                               in pictures of silver.

                                                       Proverbs 25:11

               But I say unto you, that every idle word that

               men shall speak, they shall give account thereof

               in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou  

               shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be  

               condemned.

                                                                                     Matthew 12:36-37

COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY WITH THE MELANCHOLY IN CONTROL

Temperament Corner by, Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

Communication is the key to all relationships.  When we do not communicate properly, the results can be devastating.  Miscommunicating can cause anger, wars, murders, family splits, divorces, etc.

 

The Free Dictionary on the Internet describes the word communication to mean: “a. the art and technology of using words effectively to impact information or ideas. This would be verbal communication.” Archie Bunker, the rather blunt father in the old TV series, “All in the Family,” made this statement:

THE REASON YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME, EDITH, IS BECAUSE I AM TALKIN’ TO YOU IN ENGLISH AND YOU’RE LISTENIN’ TO ME IN “DINGBAT!”

 

I am sure that at one time or another, we have probably all felt like saying that to someone who does not understand what we are trying to communicate to them.

 

However, when counseling, you cannot say what Archie Bunker said, but what you can do is learn to understand your counselee’s God-given temperament.

 

As a temperament counselor you know that we are not all “wired” the same. Each temperament acts, responds and perceives things differently.

When you are counseling a temperament different than yours, you need to learn to set your temperament tendencies aside and counsel this person according to their temperament.

 

In this issue we are going to look at the Melancholy in Control to see how to communicate with them according to their temperament.

When you communicate with them:

1. You should not say:

You’re a rebel and will not tolerate anyone trying to force you to make decisions.

You should probably say:

You tend to become rebellious when people try to force you to make decisions.

2.  You should not say:

You do not have good leadership capabilities in unfamiliar areas because you doubt yourself.

You should probably say:

You tend to need time to understand what is expected of you in order to make good leadership decisions when you are in unfamiliar areas.

3. You should not say:

You will become angry and procrastinate if you are pressured into making leadership decisions or taking on responsibilities in unknown areas.

You should probably say:

You tend to put off making decisions until you have all the information with which to make the decision.  If pressured, you may become angry.

4. You should not say:

You become angry when confronted for mistakes, criticized or made to look foolish.

You should probably say:

You tend to need people to think that you are competent and in control, and if they criticize you or point out your mistakes, you tend to become angry. This is because you are a perfectionist and you would prefer to find your own mistakes.

5. You should not say:

You are legalistic, uncompromising, and rigid.

You should probably say:

You tend to believe that everything should be dealt with in a certain way, and when it is not, this tends to upset you and make you angry.  You need to learn that people may act and react differently than you do, and you need to allow them to be who God created them to be.

6. You should not say:

You do not want to control or be responsible for making decisions for others.

You should probably say:

You tend to not want to control others because you prefer that they would make their own decisions. You will give them input or advice, but you tend to feel that it is up to them if they follow it or not.

When counseling a Melancholy in Control, you need to be aware of the following regarding this temperament:

You do not want to approach the Melancholy in Control in a controlling or condemning way.    You need to allow them to express why they are there for counseling.  

 

They are probably coming in with a fear of the unknown when they come to your office. They do not know what you will do with the information that you are about to tell them.

 

They will want you to believe that they are responsible, reliable and dependable and that everything is okay, especially if you are discussing an area that they are confident in, they will insist everything is okay.

 

However, since you know that they are a Melancholy in Control, you need to allow them to share with you regarding why they are there for counseling. Remember, they do not like to be controlled, and if you allow them to open the discussion, they will not feel controlled. They need the time to “digest” what you have recommended; otherwise, they may feel controlled and pressured.  When this happens, they may shut down and not receive your counsel.

 

As you can see, communicating according to a person’s unique temperament is invaluable.  The Melancholy in Control will learn that:

1.  They have good leadership capabilities, but they must have the time to collect the information needed in order to make good decisions.

 

2. People may act and react differently than they do, and this is all right because God created each of us uniquely. God will do the perfecting.

   

3.  They need to submit to God’s authority. He will help them make leadership decisions, thereby minimizing the fear of the unknown or being responsible for themselves and others.

When you teach a Melancholy in Control to allow themselves and others to be imperfect, they will be less critical of themselves and others.

God created the Melancholy in Control with leadership capabilities, and they are needed for the Kingdom of God; however, they cannot become a good leader until they have submitted their imperfections to God.

 

It is important to know that each temperament has strengths and weaknesses, and we need to always remember that God created the Melancholy in Control to be a leader and decision maker.  The Melancholy in Control needs time to collect all the information before they make a decision; therefore, we need to encourage them to take the time to make their decisions rather than unjustly accuse them of procrastinating.

 

 PLEASE NOTE:  These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Melancholy in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order. 

In the next issue we will look at ways to communicate with a Phlegmatic in Control counselee.

 

Home | I.R. Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

THE POWER OF WORDS

A careless word may kindle strife;
A cruel word may wreck a life.
A bitter word may hate instill;
A brutal word may smite and kill.
A gracious word may smooth the way;
A joyous word may light the day.
A timely word may lessen stress;
A loving word may heal and bless.
Author Unknown


A word fitly spoken is like
Apples of gold
in pictures of silver.
Proverbs 25:11

But I say unto you, that every idle word that
men shall speak, they shall give account thereof
in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou
shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be
condemned.
Matthew 12:36-37

COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY WITH THE CHOLERIC IN CONTROL

Temperament Corner by, Dr. Phyllis J. ArnoCommunication is the key to all relationships. When we do not communicate properly,
the results can be devastating. Miscommunicating can cause anger,
wars, murders, family splits, divorces, etc.

The Free Dictionary on the Internet describes the word communication to mean: “a. the art and technology of using words effectively to impact information or ideas. This would be verbal communication.”

Archie Bunker, the rather blunt father in the old TV series, “All in the Family,” made this statement:

THE REASON YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME, EDITH, IS BECAUSE I AM TALKIN’ TO YOU IN ENGLISH AND YOU’RE LISTENIN’ TO ME IN “DINGBAT!”

I am sure that at one time or another, we have probably all felt like
saying that to someone who does not understand what we are trying to
communicate to them.

However, when counseling, you cannot say what Archie Bunker said, but what you
can do is learn to understand your counselee’s God-given temperament.

As a temperament counselor you know that we are not all “wired” the
same. Each temperament acts, responds and perceives things differently.

When you are counseling a temperament different than yours, you need to
learn to set your temperament tendencies aside and counsel this
person according to their temperament.

In this issue we are going to look at the Choleric in Control to
see how to communicate with them according to their temperament.

When you communicate with them:

1. You should not say:

You always want to be in total control when you are asked to undertake a
task, and you don’t want input or suggestions from others.

You should probably say:

You tend to have great leadership capabilities and you believe your way
is best so it is difficult for you to accept input from others.

2. You should not say:

You will undertake bad behaviors in order to gain and maintain control
over others.

You should probably say:

You tend to want to gain and maintain control over others, and sometimes
you may do this in ways that are not pleasing to God. You need to
learn to motivate people in Godly ways.

3. You should not say:

You have a cruel, abusive temper that you will use when people try to
control you and interfere with your independence.

You should probably say:

You tend to express anger with people when they try to control you and
interfere with your independence. You need to learn to control your
anger rather than let it control you.

4. You should not say:

You will become angry when people do not give you recognition and
approval for your leadership accomplishments. You will avoid them and
try to find ways to get even.

You should probably say:

You tend to become angry and may refuse to associate with people when you
do not receive recognition and approval for a job well-done.

5. You should not say:

You are a perfectionist and will be highly critical of others if they do
not live up to your standards of perfection.

You should probably say:

You tend to expect perfection from others, and when they do not live up
to your expectations you may tend to be critical. You need to
remember that only God is perfect and that He does not criticize us
for our imperfections.

6. You should not say:

You are intolerant of people that cry and are emotional because you
believe they are weak.

You should probably say:

You tend to not understand people that cry and become emotional. This is
because this is an emotion that you do not express and you tend to
see it as a weakness. You need to learn to allow people to be who
God created them to be.

When counseling a Choleric in Control, you need to be aware of the
following regarding this temperament:

You do not want to approach the Choleric in Control by
appearing controlling or critical. You need to allow them to express
why they are here for counseling. At times, they may tell you that
they believe that there is nothing wrong in their life; it is their
spouse, family or children that are having the problems.

Because they are leaders in the Control area, they tend to want to take
control of the conversation. They tend to want to give you their
input on how you should conduct this session.

However, since you know that they are a Choleric in Control,
you need to suggest to them that you have a few things to cover with
them and then you will give them the opportunity to express their
thoughts. By doing this, you can keep control of the sessions.

As you can see, communicating according to a person’s unique
temperament is invaluable. The
Choleric in Control will learn that:

1. They need to respect the people around them and appreciate them for
who God 
created them to be, just as you have shown them respect for
who God created
them to be.

2. You have given them the opportunity to share their thoughts and
ideas; now they 
need to give others the same opportunity.

3. They need to allow people to be imperfect. When you teach a
Choleric in Control to learn to submit to God and His headship,
they will be more respectful to others. They cannot be a good
leader until they have submitted to those in authority over them;
otherwise, how can they expect others to submit to their authority?

Please remember that God created a Choleric in Control with leadership capabilities and they are needed for the Kingdom of God.

It is important to know that each temperament has strengths and weaknesses, and we need to always remember that God created the Choleric in Control to be a leader and decision maker; therefore, we need to encourage them to become good leaders and to make good decisions.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Choleric in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at ways to communicate with a Melancholy in Control counselee.

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