Temperament Corner

Temperament Corner

THE POWER OF WORDS

              A careless word may kindle strife;

              A cruel word may wreck a life.

             A bitter word may hate instill;

             A brutal word may smite and kill.

             A gracious word may smooth the way;

             A joyous word may light the day.

             A timely word may lessen stress;

             A loving word may heal and bless.

                                                    Author Unknown

                                   A word fitly spoken is like

                                            Apples of gold

                               in pictures of silver.

                                                       Proverb 25:11

               But I say unto you, that every idle word that

               men shall speak, they shall give account thereof

               in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou 

               shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be 

               condemned.

                                                   Matthew 12:36-37

COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY WITH THE CHOLERIC IN INCLUSION.

Temperament Corner by Phyllis ArnoCommunication is the key to all relationships.  When we do not communicate properly, the results can be devastating.  Miscommunicating can cause anger, wars,  murders, family splits, divorces, etc.

The Free Dictionary on the Internet describes the word communication to mean: “a. the art and technology of using words effectively to impact information or ideas. This would be verbal communication.”

Archie Bunker, the rather blunt father in the old TV series, “All in the Family,” made this statement:

THE REASON YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME, EDITH, IS BECAUSE I AM TALKIN’ TO YOU IN ENGLISH AND YOU’RE LISTENIN’ TO ME IN “DINGBAT!”

I am sure that at one time or another, we have probably all felt like saying that to someone who does not understand what we are trying to communicate to them.

However, when counseling, you cannot say what Archie Bunker said, but what you can do is learn to understand your counselee’s God-given temperament.

As a temperament counselor you know that we are not all “wired” the same. Each temperament acts, responds and perceives things differently.

When you are counseling an individual with a temperament different than yours, you need to learn to set your temperament tendencies aside and counsel this person according to their temperament.

In this issue we are going to look at the Choleric in Inclusion to see how to communicate with them according to their temperament.

When you communicate with them:

1. You should not say:

You pretend to like people; however, you are really task-oriented and you are just getting the job done.

You should probably say:

You tend to appear people-oriented so that you can accomplish your leadership abilities because you are task-oriented and need to get the job done by the best possible means.

2. You should not say:

You hate going out to social events, meetings, etc. You would rather be somewhere else, especially if you do not have an agenda.

You should probably say:

You tend to dislike going out to social events, meetings, etc., if you do not have an agenda; however, if you have something to promote or accomplish, you will probably go and have a great time.

3.  You should not say:

You only organize social events so that you can receive recognition and approval. You will become angry if you do not receive recognition and approval.

You should probably say:

You tend to be a great social organizer, and you need to receive recognition for what you do.  If you do not receive this recognition, you may become angry when you know that you have done a good job.

4.  You should not say:

You want to take vengeance on anyone that has wronged you.  You do this by thinking of ways to get back at them.

You should probably say:

You tend to think a great deal and, at times, you may think about getting even if someone has wronged you. However, you usually do not act upon your thoughts.

5.  You should not say:

You have a terrible temper and you can be mean and cruel.  You will tend to use your anger in order to make people do what you want.

You should probably say:

You tend to have a temper.  You should not use this temper to try to motivate people to accomplish your goals.

6.  You should not say: 

You must do this or you must do that.

You should probably say: 

You must decide for yourself what is best for you to do.

When counseling a Choleric in Inclusion, you need to be aware of the following regarding this temperament:

You do not want to approach the Choleric in Inclusion by criticizing them or putting them down because they may tend to become angry and not be open to what you are trying to communicate to them.

For instance, you may be explaining something to them, and they do not hear what you are telling them because they are thinking about what they want to tell you– how you should have said what you are just telling them.

You also need to remember that your tone of voice is important!  A condemning or condescending tone can be offensive to the Choleric counselee. Remember, that it is not only what you say but it is also the tone of voice you say it in!  Tone of voice can indicate more than words.

Because they are leaders in the Inclusion area, they like to control the conversation, especially when it is about them.  Remember, they are the temperament that can walk into a room and totally change the conversation to what they want to talk about.

Sometimes you might even think to yourself:  “Give me a script and I will say it exactly as you wrote it.”

However, since you know that they are a Choleric in Inclusion, you need to suggest to them that you have a few things to cover with them and then you will give them the opportunity to express their thoughts.

As you can see, communicating according to a person’s unique temperament is invaluable.  The Choleric in Inclusion will learn that:

1. You have shown them respect for who God created them to be.

2. You have given them the opportunity to share their thoughts.

3. They need to respect the people around them and appreciate them for who

    God created them to be, just as you have shown them respect for who God 

    created them to be.

When you teach a Choleric in Inclusion to learn to submit to God and His headship, they will be more respectful to others. They cannot be a good leader until they have submitted to those in authority over them; otherwise, how can they expect others to submit to their authority?

Please remember, God created a Choleric in Inclusion with leadership capabilities and they are needed for the Kingdom of God. 

It is important to know that each temperament has strengths and weaknesses, and we need to always remember that God created the Choleric in Inclusion to lead; therefore, we need to encourage them to become good leaders.

PLEASE NOTE:  These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Choleric in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at ways to communicate with a Melancholy in Inclusion counselee.

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3 thoughts on “Temperament Corner”

  1. Dr. Arno, Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and insight. I find the Temperament Corner to be valuable and very helpful, and a joy to read. I am so very thankful that God has worked through you and your husband to bring these teachings to light. May you be continually blessed.

  2. Thank you for taking time to write these out- I’m saving them all as I never want to stop learning about this!

    The APS is a wonderful tool that engenders immediate trust with my counselees, and encourages them to honor their God-given temperament.

  3. My daughter is Choleric in control. She has tried to control situations for years. The more out of control she feels the more she demands, is this because she is hurting some place?

    There are a few times she became suicidal. M in inclusion and affection.

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