Temperament Corner

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

 

WHAT IS LOVE?—SANGUINE IN AFFECTION

How many times have you, as a counselor, been asked?

“WHAT IS LOVE?”

Your first response could be to tell them “GOD IS LOVE” (I John 4:16) and direct them to read John 3:16: “For God so loved the world….” (See also I John 4:8-10.)

Your second response could even be to direct them to I CORINTHIANS 13: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love.…”

How many times, as a counselor, have you been asked?

“HOW CAN I LOVE MY HUSBAND, MY CHILDREN, AND MY FAMILY?”

Your response could be to tell them that they need to love them with God’s love and direct them to read I John 4:12b: “…If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.”

How many times, as a counselor, have you been asked?

“HOW CAN I LOVE MY DEEP RELATIONSHIPS WITH GOD’S LOVE?”

Your responses could be to explain to them that after giving their heart to Jesus, His perfect love will flow through them. The only way they can truly love their deep relationships is by stepping aside and allowing Him to love their deep relationships through Him.

Now it is no longer their imperfect love that is loving their deep relationships; it is His perfect love flowing through them.

Dr. Douglas A. Wheeler points out in his book Betrothed: “We need to learn to accept God’s love.” He wrote: “The love of God has nothing to do with you and all to do with Him. You cannot earn the love of God, because it was there for you from the foundation of the world.”

Your counselees need to learn to rest in God’s love and not strive to meet their own needs for love and affection because God will supply their needs. In so doing, they will be able to meet the needs of their deep relationships.

Nehemiah 8:10 tells us, “…for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Putting Jesus first, then Others, then Yourself = JOY!

Psalm 139:14 tells us that God is our Creator: “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

As you know, we are triune beings made up of BODY, SOUL and SPIRIT.

Our BODY is our physical makeup.

Our SOUL encompasses our mind, will and emotions. In temperament we call
these areas of the SOUL: Inclusion, Control and Affection.

Mary said in Luke 1:46-47: “My SOUL doth magnify the Lord, and
my SPIRIT hath rejoiced in God my Savior.”

Our SPIRIT is our only connecting link with God.

John 4:24 tells us: “God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must
worship him in spirit and in truth.”

Since our Spirit is our only connecting link with our Lord, how can we help our counselees make that connection?

By teaching them that they need to have their Body, Soul and Spirit in balance.

Each area of the Soul (Inclusion, Control, Affection) is trying to meet its needs—either in godly or ungodly ways.

Once we help our counselees learn how to bring balance to their Soul area, then the Spirit can take its rightful place.

We are going to look at ways we can help our counselees line up their Affection area with the Word of God.

In review, Affection is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory connection with deep relationships for love and affection.

The needs within the temperament range from expressing love and affection to all deep relationships to expressing love and affection to only a select few.

They also vary from wanting love and affection from all deep relationships to wanting love and affection from only a select few.

Affection is the need:

1. To express and receive love and approval.
2. For deep personal relationships.

Affection determines:

1. How many of our emotions we share.
2. How emotionally guarded or emotionally open we are.

Affection is unique because:

1. The temperament needs of Affection cannot be genuinely met without a deep,
emotionally close relationship with our Lord.
2. It determines how intimate we are with the extremely close people in
our lives, and it also determines the depth of our feelings.

Each person tends to see the Lord from their temperament perspective. Their individual temperament affects their interaction with the Lord.

They will tend to express love and affection to the Lord in the same manner as they express love and affection to their deep relationships.

If they resist opening up and establishing deep, intimate relationships with others, they may also resist a deep, intimate relationship with the Lord.

Jesus Christ is the Living Word, and when we accept Him as our Lord and Savior, He reveals the Written Word (The Holy Bible) to us.

All He wants in return is for us to ask Him into our heart and to love Him with all our heart.

In other words, the temperament need of Affection cannot be fully met without a deep, emotionally close relationship with our Lord.

In this issue we are going to look at some of the Sanguine in Affection tendencies and what they need to do in order to line up their Affection area with the Word of God.

SANGUINES IN AFFECTION TEND TO:

  1. Express their love and affection to their deep relationships by touching because touching helps them to feel “connected. Touching includes snuggling, hugging, holding hands,  kissing, etc. They also tend to like to verbalize their love and affection.
  2. Establish and maintain deep relationships with many people.
  3. Live in the “now.” They need to receive a great deal of love and affection from their deep relationships “right now.” They also need to be told that they are loved “right now, for yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.
  4. Try harder to please their deep relationships, especially when they fear their overtures of love and affection are being rejected.
  5. Say and do things that they know are wrong, but do them anyhow to keep from being rejected.
  6. Be highly emotional and may explode in outbursts of anger when rejected by their deep relationships; however, this anger does not last very long, and they soon forget why they were angry. After an angry outburst, they are ready to “kiss and make up.”
  7. Go into a downward “swing” and become moody and depressed when rejected by their deep relationships.

SANGUINES IN AFFECTION NEED TO:

  1. Learn that they can overwhelm or smother their deep relationships with their constant expressions of love and affection, so they need to learn not to make ungodly demands on their deep relationships. I John 4:12 tells them: “…If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.”
  2. Learn to establish and maintain a deep relationship with God as diligently as they pursue deep relationships with people. They can never overwhelm or smother God with their constant expressions of love and affection. God will always be there for them. Matthew 22:37 tells them: “… Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.”
  3. Learn not to just use their deep relationships to meet their own needs, but rather to love them as God loves them: John 15:12 tells them: “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.”
  4. Learn that they cannot expect their deep relationships to act and react as they do because their deep relationships may not express and want the same amount of love and affection that Sanguines express and want. I Corinthians 13: 4-5 tells them: “Charity (love) suffereth long, and is kind; charity (love) envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own….”
  5. Learn not to say and do things they know are wrong because of their fear of rejection. Philippians 4:8 tells them: “Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
  6. Learn to discipline themselves and count to ten before exploding in anger. Ecclesiastes 7:9 tells them: “Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.” See also Ephesians 4:31-32: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
  7. Learn when they are rejected by deep relationships, and they “swing” down and become moody and depressed, to turn to God’s Word, the Bible. When they do this, they will discover that God is always there for them and that He is their constant companion—they are never alone. By knowing this, they will be able to “swing” back  and be the upbeat and inspiring person God created them to be. Hebrews 13:5b tells them: “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Sanguine in Affection, you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at “What is Love?—Supine in Affection.”

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