Temperament Corner

A Pearl of Great Value – Sanguine in Inclusion

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

Matthew 13:45-46 (NIV) tells us: “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

God sees each of us as a pearl of great value.  He paid dearly for us with His Son, Jesus! We are more valuable and precious to Him than we can ever imagine!

As counselors, people come to you hurting and broken; they tend to feel that they have no value, that they are invisible, hidden, overlooked, and that nobody cares.

Can you, as a counselor, see them as a pearl of great value, as God does?

Pearl

Question: “Why is a pearl so valuable?”

The answer is: “In order to have a pearl of great value, the pearl must go through a tremendous amount of irritation; and during the process, it becomes refined and beautiful.”

Some pearls have more irritations than others, just as some people have more irritations than others.

The people that come to you are going through irritations—emotionally, physically and/or spiritually.

Many times when your counselees are going through their hurts, pains, and suffering, they tend to feel that there is no hope.

You, as a temperament counselor, have a calling on your life—to help God’s hurting people.

You are there to give them HOPE – Jesus!

God wants you to see each person that comes to you as a “pearl of great value.”

With the APS profile, God has given us insight into how He created us with our strengths, weaknesses, and needs—an inside look at His pearls of great value.

Since you too have gone through a refining process with your hurts and suffering and pain, you can use what you have gone through to help and encourage your counselees.

We are going to look at the Sanguine in Inclusion to see what may be irritating them and causing them stress in the Inclusion area:

1. Isolation from People:

Sanguines in Inclusion thrive on being with people as people energize them. They tend to be outgoing, upbeat, optimistic and inspiring; however, being alone can be very stressful for them. When they are alone, they will tend to swing in a downward spiral and become moody, stressed and depressed.

Physically: If they are isolated from people, Sanguines in Inclusion may tend to compensate for the stress of being alone by binge-eating, excessive drinking, gambling, using drugs, etc. They may even neglect their personal hygiene, e.g., not bathing, wearing the same clothes for days without changing, etc.

Emotionally: If they are isolated from people, Sanguines in Inclusion may become moody and stressed. This will tend to cause them to swing from being upbeat and happy to downbeat and sad. They will tend to have a “pity party” and pout. What usually brings them out of this swing is to get out and be with people again. Usually, no matter how hard you try to make them happy, they can be so “down” that they will tend to pull others down by just being around them. They will swing upward when they come to the point that they cannot stand to be alone with themselves.

Spiritually: If they are isolated from people, Sanguines in Inclusion may be so stressed that they do not want to pray and spend time with God. They tend to just want to sit around and “pout.” And if they pray to God, they tend to do all the talking rather than listening.

Therefore, they need to learn:

1. To seek employment where they can interact with people. They also need to learn to bring into balance their socializing and their responsibilities.

2. To reward themselves after they complete their responsibilities, since they are reward oriented.

3. That God is always with them, so they are never alone. They need to take time to talk with God (and listen to Him), read their Holy Scriptures, surround themselves with songs of praise and worship, and find a church where they can fellowship with God’s people.


See James 4:8: “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.”

2.   Social Rejection:

For Sanguines in Inclusion, social rejection is usually so stressful to them that they will conform to the behavior of others in order to not be rejected.

Physically: Sanguines in Inclusion may attempt to compensate for the stress of rejection by turning to drugs, alcohol, gambling, drinking and running with the wrong crowd. When they do this, their health usually suffers as they do not eat properly and neglect their personal hygiene.

Emotionally: Sanguines in Inclusion tend to want to be the center of attention. They may try to get this attention by becoming loud and boisterous, then, if they do not receive the attention they need, they tend to “swing” from being upbeat and happy to downbeat and sad. They will tend to “mope” around and have a pity party (pout). They will not swing back to being upbeat until they are accepted by people again.

Spiritually: Sanguines in Inclusion tend to say and do things that are not pleasing to God in order to keep from being rejected; therefore, they may pull away from God as they may think He will also reject them because of their behavior.

Therefore, they need to learn:

1. That trying to please people in ungodly ways will not alleviate their stress from social rejection; it can only bring on more stress as they tend to neglect their health by not eating correctly, drinking, etc., and by not taking care of their personal hygiene.

2. Not to always try to dominate the conversation and be the center of attention but rather allow others to talk. When they are more considerate of the needs of others, they will find that they have fewer feelings of rejection, and their downward mood swings will become minimal.

3. That God created them and He is always with them. When they say and do things that are not pleasing to God in order to keep from being rejected, they need to learn to ask for His forgiveness and draw closer to Him rather than pull farther away.


See Hebrews 13:5: “…for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

3.  Tasks:

For Sanguines in Inclusion, being required to do tasks all day will cause them stress. Sanguines in Inclusion need to be able to communicate with people; tasking all day is unthinkable to the Sanguine. They just cannot concentrate on a task for long periods of time; their mind will trail off, and they may daydream—dreaming that they are with people. If they must task all day, they need to be able to have “people” breaks in order to alleviate their stress.

Physically: Sanguines in Inclusion may arrive late for work because they know that it is going to be a long, dull day. They will not care what they look like; they may look like they just “rolled” out of bed, e.g., unshaven, needing a haircut and wearing wrinkled clothes. In other words, personal hygiene is last on their “to do” list.

Emotionally: Sanguines in Inclusion may become moody and stressed if they are required to do tasks without being able to interact with people. Their work will tend to suffer; it can become sloppy and haphazard, and they may make blatant errors and not follow through on their obligations all because of stress created by not being able to interact with people. This stress will throw them into their downward swing mode. They will no longer be upbeat and happy.

Spiritually: Sanguines in Inclusion may be so stressed that they do not want to pray and spend time with God. They tend to feel all alone, like they are the only ones on the planet. They will tell you that they need a “real” person with skin on to talk to, and that when they pray, they still feel the need to talk with people.

Therefore, they need to learn:

1. That if they are isolated from people to find godly ways to meet their need for socializing, e.g., going to church, Bible studies, joining adult/youth groups, joining exercise groups, etc.

2. To put God first and seek Him when they are lonely because He created them and He is with them always. He is just a prayer away. By doing this, it will lessen their fear of rejection.

3. That tasks will stress them. When seeking employment, they need to find a job where they can interact with people as well as doing tasks. At the very least, they should try to seek employment where they can play music in order for them to “feel” that they are around people.


See Psalm 18:6: “In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.”

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Sanguine in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at the Pearl of Great Value—Supine in Inclusion.

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Temperament Corner

A Pearl of Great Value – Phlegmatic

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

Matthew 13:45-46 (NIV) tells us: “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

God sees each of us as a pearl of great value.  He paid dearly for us with His Son, Jesus! We are more valuable and precious to Him than we can ever imagine!

As counselors, people come to you hurting and broken; they tend to feel that they have no value, that they are invisible, hidden, overlooked, and that nobody cares.

Can you, as a counselor, see them as a pearl of great value, as God does?

Question: “Why is a pearl so valuable?”

The answer is: “In order to have a pearl of great value, the pearl must go through a tremendous amount of irritation; and during the process, it becomes refined and beautiful.”

Some pearls have more irritations than others, just as some people have more irritations than others.

The people that come to you are going through irritations—emotionally, physically and/or spiritually.

Many times when your counselees are going through their hurts, pains, and suffering, they tend to feel that there is no hope.

You, as a temperament counselor, have a calling on your life—to help God’s hurting people.

You are there to give them HOPE – Jesus!

God wants you to see each person that comes to you as a “pearl of great value.”

With the APS profile, God has given us insight into how He created us with our strengths, weaknesses, and needs—an inside look at His pearls of great value.

Since you too have gone through a refining process with your hurts and suffering and pain, you can use what you have gone through to help and encourage your counselees.

We are going to look at the Phlegmatic in Inclusion to see what may be irritating them and causing them stress in the Inclusion area:

1.  Demands made upon them by people at their workplace, school or home:

Phlegmatics in Inclusion can handle a moderate amount of interaction with people.  In the workplace or school, they will tend to respond when spoken to, but will not usually initiate.  This is because they are task-oriented.  By the time they get home from work or school, their energy is usually depleted.

Physically, they may come home from work or school drained of their energy, and just want to relax and watch television or sit at the computer; however,  they may then start to snack on foods that can cause them to become overweight.  If they continue eating the snack foods that are not healthy for them, they may develop heart problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.

Emotionally, constantly interacting with people can cause them to become overwhelmed, angry and stressed. When this happens, they will tend to retaliate by using their defense mechanism–their dry humor. This humor, at times, can be cutting or hurtful to others, depending on the amount of anger and stress that they are experiencing.

Spiritually, if forced to interact with people for long periods of time, they may become so exhausted and stressed that they don’t get involved in church activities or even spend time with the Lord.

Therefore, they need to learn:

  1. To stay involved with their relationships and learn to maintain balance between being alone and socializing.
  2. To take care of their physical body by eating properly and exercising. Once they start eating properly and exercising, they will find that they have more energy and, in turn, will feel less exhausted.
  3. That during times of physical and emotional stress they need to take time to praise God by song or worship, read the Holy Scriptures and attend church.

See Isaiah 26:3:  “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”

2.   Inability to work at their own pace:

Phlegmatics in Inclusion, because of their low energy, are unable to work at a fast pace.   If pushed beyond their endurance, they will tend to use their dry humor, sometimes in a hurtful manner, as a defense mechanism to keep people from pushing them to work at a faster pace.

Physically, they will become exhausted, drained and stressed because they are being pushed to work beyond their endurance.  This can cause them to react to their stress by overeating and becoming non-involved with their friends and family.  This, in turn, can result in their having heart problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, and problems with their family, etc.

Emotionally, the inability to work at their own pace can cause them to become agitated and stressed.  They may also tend to shut down and become more withdrawn from family and friends. They will also tend to use their dry humor to keep family and friends “off their back.”

Spiritually, if forced to interact with people for long periods of time, they may become so exhausted and stressed that they may pull away from attending church because it would drain them even more. They may tend to put God on “hold.”

Therefore, they need to learn:

  1. To try to seek employment where they can set their own pace in order to keep from being totally exhausted and stressed at the end of the day.
  2. That if they are not able to secure employment where they can set their own pace, they need to take breaks at work during the morning, at lunchtime, and in the afternoon.  Exercising during their breaks would refresh them and help to alleviate some of their stress.
  3. To daily maintain their relationship with the Lord by taking time to have morning devotions before they leave for work or listen to the Holy Scriptures or Christian music on the way to work.  

See Philippians 4:13:  “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

3.   Striving for perfection:

Phlegmatics in Inclusion tend to strive for perfection.  They are also task-oriented and slow-paced.  They can do tedious tasks with precision and accuracy; therefore, they tend to expect perfection not only from themselves but from those around them.

Physically, if those around them do not live up to their expectations of perfection, Phlegmatics will tend to become stressed and critical.  They express this criticism by using their dry humor that can be very hurtful at times.  This can cause tension between them and those that are not living up to their need for perfection. Because the Phlegmatic in Inclusion is also a peacemaker and seeks peace,  this tension can cause them physical stress in the form of ulcers, headaches, overeating, etc.

Emotionally, when people do not live up to their expectations of perfection, Phlegmatics can become stressed.   They may tend to shut down and withdraw from the people that are stressing them, as well as their family and friends.  In other words, they may pull away from everyone. They may do this by sleeping a great deal, watching television and/or sitting at their computer.

Spiritually, because they strive for perfection and they cannot attain this perfection, they may tend to be stressed and want to give up on everyone, including God. Their thoughts could be something like: “What’s the use-nobody else cares, why should I care?” They may even feel God does not care.

Therefore, they need to learn:

  1. To be patient with people and learn that criticizing them is not going to  make them do a better job. They need to remember Proverbs 25:11:  “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”
  2. To stay moderately involved with their family and friends in order to keep the peace to avoid more stress.
  3. To learn that the Lord is with them every step of the way and that He will give them strength.

See Nehemiah 8:10:  “…for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

PLEASE NOTE:  These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Phlegmatic in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue, we will look at the Pearl of Great Value—Sanguine in Inclusion.

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Temperament Corner

JOY

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

Joy, according to Webster’s II New Riverside Dictionary means great happiness, delight, and a source of happiness.

Luke 2:8-10 tells us: And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

During the Christmas season I am filled with joy when I listen to the beautiful Christmas hymnJOY TO THE WORLD:

Joy to the world! The Lord is come;
   Let earth receive her King;
      Let every heart prepare Him room,
         And heaven and nature sing,
            And heaven and nature sing.
               And heaven, and Heaven and nature sing.

Joy to the world! The Savior reigns;
   Let men their songs employ;
      While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains
         Repeat the sounding joy,
            Repeat the sounding joy,
               Repeat, repeat the sounding joy.

Galatians 5:22-23 tells us: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

When we give our heart to Jesus, we, too, will bear all the fruit of the Spirit.

Ephesians 5:9-10: (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.

Jeremiah 15:16:Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart: for I am called by thy name, O Lord God of hosts.

John 15:11:These things have I spoken unto, you that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.

Romans 15:13: Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I Peter 1:8: “Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory.

I John 1:4: And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.

Nehemiah 8:10: for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Now, since we know that the “joy of the Lord is our strength, let’s look at ways the five temperaments in Inclusion can be JOYFUL this Christmas.

The Choleric:

Since they are leaders and task-oriented, they tend to take on too many responsibilities at Christmas time. When people ask them to organize Christmas events such as pageants, parties, luncheons, dinners, cookie exchanges, preparing food for the homeless, collecting gifts for needy children, etc., they will take on the challenge and pull everything together.

It is usually difficult for them to say no when asked to organize these events as they are leaders and enjoy the challenge; however, before they realize it, they have taken on too many activities; once this happens, they tend to become stressed and irritable.

In order to not lose their JOY of what the Christmas season is all about—the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Saviorthey need to learn to maintain balance and only take on what they can reasonably handle.

The Melancholy:

Since they are artistic, creative and task-oriented, they tend to use their creativity to work behind the scenes making background props, manager scenes, painting, decorating, etc. With their creative abilities they can also make crafts, bake cookies, pies and cakes for Church bazaars, etc.

It is usually difficult for them to say no when asked to use their creativity to help with these events. This is because they really enjoy creating and doing tasks; however, before they realize it, they have taken on too many activities; once this happens, they tend to become stressed and irritable.

In order to not lose their JOY of what the Christmas season is all about—the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior, they need to learn to maintain balance and only take on what they can reasonable handle.

The Phlegmatic:

Since they are perfectionists and task–oriented, they can do tedious tasks; however, they will usually contribute their time to doing things that will not deplete their energy. They are usually good at helping in working out the smallest details for Christmas programs, dinners and events. This is because they tend to be perfectionists and are capable of doing tedious tasks and taking care of the minutest details.

They usually do not want to get involved in attending the actual social activities, and usually go only when they are pressured. If pressured too much by others, they may become stressed and irritable, and will then come to dread the Christmas season.

In order to not lose their JOY of what the Christmas season is all about—the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior they do need to learn to attend some Christmas events with their family. Perhaps they can choose to attend the events that are most important or meaningful to them?

The Sanguine:

Since they are relationship-oriented, they enjoy coming to the Christmas events so that they can be with people. They are usually like sunshine on a rainy day and can add so much to the Christmas festivities.

They may offer to help with the preparation of the luncheons, dinners and other special events; however, once they get there and start interaction with people, they may forget what they volunteered to do. Since they enjoy being with people, they are good at interacting with people and would go around the room talking with everyone making them feel welcome.

In order to not lose their JOY of what the Christmas season is all about—the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior they do need to learn to maintain balance and get enough rest as they can stress themselves because their “shoes are always at the door” and they will attend as many events as they possibly can.

The Supine:

Since they are relationship-oriented/task-oriented, and they have a servant’s heart, they will want to go to all the Christmas events that they are invited to attend.

It is usually difficult for them to say no when asked to help at these events. They will help in every way they possibly can. They will prepare food, set up tables, decorate tables, serve the food and beverages, and, if that is not enough, they will stay for the clean-up. Before they realize it, they can deplete themselves physically and emotionally. When this happens they may find themselves resenting the Christmas festivities.

In order to not lose their JOY of what the Christmas season is all about—the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior they need to learn to maintain balance by learning that it is okay to say no—especially when they are on overload.

Please remember, no matter what your temperament:

God wants you to do whatever you do with a joyful and glad heart. (See Colossians 3:23) We need to be involved in Christmas celebrations so that this time of year feels special, but we must be careful not to exhaust our energy (and our good will) by overdoing it. It is important to set aside some time to spend in worship and reflection on the true meaning of Christmas!

Again, please remember Nehemiah 8:10:

THE JOY OF THE LORD IS OUR STRENGTH….

May you be filled this Christmas Season with God’s love so that you can reflect His inexplicable JOY and be a blessing to all those around you according to your God-given temperament.

JOY! JOY! JOY! JOY! JOY! JOY! JOY! JOY! JOY!

 

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Temperament Corner

A PEARL OF GREAT VALUE
MELANCHOLY IN INCLUSION

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

 

Matthew 13:45-46 (NIV) tells us:“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

 

God sees each of us as a pearl of great value. He paid dearly for us with His Son, Jesus! We are more valuable and precious to Him than we can ever imagine!

As counselors, people come to you hurting and broken; they tend to feel that they have no value, that they are invisible, hidden, overlooked, and that nobody cares.

Can you, as a counselor, see them as a pearl of great value, as God does?Pearl

Question: “Why is a pearl so valuable?”

The answer is: “In order to have a pearl of great value, the pearl must go through a tremendous amount of irritation; and during the process, it becomes refined and beautiful.”

Some pearls have more irritations than others, just as some people have more irritations than others.

The people that come to you are going through irritations—emotionally, physically and/or spiritually.

Many times when your counselees are going through their hurts, pains and suffering, they tend to feel that there is no hope.

You, as a temperament counselor, have a calling on your life—to help God’s hurting people.

You are there to give them HOPE – Jesus!

God wants you to see each person that comes to you as a “pearl of great value.”

With the APS profile God has given us insight into how He created us with our strengths, weaknesses and needs—an inside look at His pearls of great value.

Since you too, have gone through a refining process with your hurts and suffering and pain, you can use what you have gone through to help and encourage your counselees.

We are going to look at the Melancholy in Inclusion to see what may be irritating and causing them pain and stress in this area:

1. Interacting with people.

Melancholies in Inclusion need a minimal amount of interaction with people because they are loners and task oriented, not relationship oriented. They do not feel comfortable being around people and tend to be guarded when they are.

Physically, because they are loners, being pushed or forced into socializing for long periods of time may cause them to suffer migraines, headaches, ulcers, and other physical problems

Emotionally, interacting with people too much will cause them to become angry, resentful, withdrawn and moody.

Spiritually, if forced to interact with people for long periods of time, they may become so stressed that they will pull away from God—they do not want to interact with anyone, including God.

They need to learn to stay involved with their relationships and learn to maintain balance between being alone and socializing. They also need to learn that during times of physical and emotional stress they need to stay close to the Lord.

See I John 1:7: (KJV) “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.” See also Galatians 6:2.

2. Striving for perfection.

Melancholies in Inclusion tend to have low self-esteem, and they tend to expect perfection from themselves and others. They tend to feel that if they can become perfect enough, they will then have value; however, they will never be able to measure up to their own standard of perfection.

Because of the high standards they set for themselves and others, they can become angry, frustrated and stressed. This is because they tend to have a   difficult time completing their goals as they will keep reworking a project until they “dig” themselves into a “pit” and can’t complete the project.

Physically, when the stress becomes too much for them, they may tend to neglect their physical body by not eating properly and exercising.

Emotionally, when they are unable to deal with everyday life, they will avoid being with people because of their fear of criticism about their imperfections.

Spiritually, they will tend to feel that they are not good enough for God, so they will avoid going to church, reading the Holy Scriptures and socializing with Christians.

They need to learn to give themselves and others the right to be imperfectotherwise, they will never believe that they are good enough for God. They need to remember that only God is perfect and we are all works in progress.”

See Hebrews 13:20, 21: (KJV) “Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is well-pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” See also I John 2:5 and I John 4:12. 3.

3. Inability to shut off their mind.

Melancholies in Inclusion tend to replay over and over again in their mind negative incidents that have occurred in their life. They tend to actually relive past incidents as if they just happened! This will keep them from forgiving and forgetting.

Melancholies in Inclusion also tend to perceive rejection where none exists; this is because of their low self-esteem.

Physically, because of their inability to shut off their mind, forgive and forget, they will tend to become withdrawn and pull farther away from family and friends. They will tend to not be able to sleep as their mind keeps reviewing the past hurts, and they will lack the energy to do anything but think. They may even neglect their personal hygiene.

Emotionally, they can become incapable of communicating with others as they are so engrossed in reliving incidents from the past. This may even cause them to shut down emotionally.

Spiritually, if they cannot shut off their mind, they will have no time for prayer, attending church or Bible studies.

They need to learn to stop focusing on the negative, forgive and move forward, and be more trusting in God. They need to bind their mind to Him so that they will be thinking His thoughts—not theirs.

See Philippians 4:8: (KJV) “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” See also Isaiah 26:3 and Isaiah 43:18.

4. Fear regarding finances.

This will cause them stress because they tend to live in the fear of not being able to support their family and pay the bills.

Physically, they can spend sleepless nights worrying and stressing about how they can pay their bills. They will either tend to eat little or binge eat. They may even take on an additional job or two to help pay bills.

Emotionally, they can also become angry and irritated because they think their family is spending too much money on things they do not need. If they confront the family about their spending, this will tend to cause conflict and additional stress.

Spiritually, their stress can cause them to be so preoccupied with finances that they do not think they have the time to spend with the Lord.

They need to learn to face their fears and work out a budget. Many times their fears are dwelling on the “what if’s.”

They need to learn to look to God and put their trust in Him. He will guide them and give them peace regarding their finances.

See Isaiah 41:10: (KJV) “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” See also Psalm 34:8 and Matthew 6:28-30.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Melancholy in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at the Pearl of Great Value—Phlegmatic in Inclusion.

 

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Temperament Corner

A PEARL OF GREAT VALUE CHOLERIC IN INCLUSION

Matthew 13:45-46 (NIV) tells us: “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

God sees each of us as a pearl of great value. He paid dearly for us with His Son, Jesus! We are more valuable and precious to Him than we can ever imagine!

As counselors, people come to you hurting and broken; they tend to feel that they have no value, that they are invisible, hidden, overlooked, and that nobody cares.

Can you, as a counselor, see them as a pearl of great value, as God does?

PearlQuestion: “Why is a pearl so valuable?”

The answer is: “For a pearl to have great value, the pearl must go through a tremendous amount of irritation; and during the process, it becomes refined and beautiful.”

Some pearls have more irritations than others, just as some people have more irritations than others.

The people that come to you are going through irritations—emotionally, physically and or spiritually.

Many times when your counselees are going through their hurts, pains, and suffering, they tend to feel that there is no hope.

You, as a temperament counselor, have a calling on your life—to help God’s hurting people.

You are there to give them HOPE – Jesus!

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

God wants you to see each person that comes to you as a “pearl of great value.”

With the APS profile, God has given us insight into how He created us with our strengths, weaknesses, and needs—an inside look at His pearls of great value.

Since you too have gone through a refining process with your hurts and suffering and pain, you can use what you have gone through to help and encourage your counselees.

We are going to look at the Choleric in Inclusion to see what may be irritating and causing them pain and stress in this area:

Inability to fulfill their temperament need for controlling social relationships because, as leaders in the Inclusion area, they tend not to want others to reject their leadership decisions. This can cause them stress because of their need to receive recognition and approval for their accomplishments, not rejection. They need to look to the Lord for His recognition and approval; He will never reject them.

See Galatians 1:10: (KJV) “For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.” “Thou will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee.” Isaiah 26:3)

  1. Need for perfection from themselves and others. This can cause them stress because of their high goals or expectations. At times, they may feel that their needs for perfection cannot be met because of the imperfection of others, and they can become intolerant, impatient, angry and frustrated. They need to learn to allow themselves, as well as others, to be imperfect, for only God is perfect. They must also learn to forgive and stop being angry at themselves for their imperfection as God understands our weaknesses and, as we submit them to Him, He will do the perfecting.

    See Zechariah 4:6b: (KJV) “…Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the Lord of hosts.”

  2. Inability to say “no” when asked to take on multiple leadership positions in this area. This can cause them stress, irritability and eventually even burnout because they may overload and spread themselves too thin. They need to learn to seek God’s will and let Him direct their steps in order to alleviate their stress.

    See Isaiah 58:1la (KJV) “And the Lord shall guide thee continually….”Also see Proverbs 3:5-6.)

  3. The uncertainty of who they really are at any given time. This will cause them stress because they can wear so many different “masks,” (whatever it takes to accomplish their goals) that, at times, they are uncertain which mask they are wearing. Since they are not sure of who they really are at times, the may feel like imposters and may fear others will think they are imposters too. They need to learn that God always knows who they are and, when they are “riding” that emotional roller coaster, God will smooth things out for them—if they ask Him to.

See Psalm 13:1-2: (KJV) “O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.”

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Choleric in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue, we will look at the Pearl of Great Value—Melancholy in Inclusion.

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Temperament Corner

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

WHAT IS LOVE?—SUPINE IN AFFECTION

How many times have you, as a counselor, been asked?

“WHAT IS LOVE?”

Your first response would be to tell them “GOD IS LOVE” (I John 4:16) and direct them to read John 3:16: “For God so loved the world…” (See also I John 4:8-10).

Your second response would probably be to direct them to I CORINTHIANS 13: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love.…”

How many times, as a counselor, have you been asked?

“HOW CAN I LOVE MY HUSBAND, MY CHILDREN, AND MY FAMILY?”

Your response could be to tell them that they need to love them with God’s love and direct them to read I John 4:12b: “…If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.”

How many times, as a counselor, have you been asked?

“HOW CAN I LOVE MY DEEP RELATIONSHIPS WITH GOD’S LOVE?”

Your response could be to explain to them that after giving their heart to Jesus, His perfect love will flow through them. The only way they can truly love their deep relationships is by stepping aside and allowing Him to love their deep relationships through them.

Now it is no longer their imperfect love that is loving their deep relationships; it is His perfect love flowing through them.

Dr. Douglas A. Wheeler points out in his book Betrothed: “We need to learn to accept God’s love.” He wrote: “The love of God has nothing to do with you and all to do with Him. You cannot earn the love of God, because it was there for you from the foundation of the world.”

Your counselees need to learn to rest in God’s love and not strive to meet their own needs for love and affection because God will supply their needs. In so doing, they will be able to meet the needs of their deep relationships. Nehemiah 8:10 tells us “…for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Putting Jesus first, then Others, then Yourself = JOY!

Psalm 139:14 tells us that God is our Creator: I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

As you know, we are triune beings made up of BODY, SOUL and SPIRIT.

Our BODY is our physical makeup.

Our SOUL encompasses our mind, will and emotions. In temperament we call these areas of the SOUL: Inclusion, Control and Affection.

Mary said in Luke 1:46-47: “My SOUL doth magnify the Lord, and my SPIRIT  hath rejoiced in God my Savior.”

Our SPIRIT is our only connecting link with God.

John 4:24 tells us: “God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.”

Since our Spirit is our only connecting link with our Lord, how can we help our counselees make that connection?

By teaching them that they need to have their Body, Soul and Spirit in balance.

Each area of the Soul (Inclusion, Control, Affection) is trying to meet its needs—either in godly or ungodly ways.

Once we help our counselees learn how to bring balance to their Soul area, then the Spirit can take His rightful place. We are going to look at ways we can help our counselees line up their Affection area with the Word of God.

In review, Affection is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory connection with deep relationships for love and affection.

The needs within the temperament range from expressing love and affection to all deep relationships to expressing love and affection to only a select few.

They also vary from wanting love and affection from all deep relationships to wanting love and affection from only a select few.

Affection is the need:

  1. To express and receive love and approval.
  2. For deep personal relationships.

Affection determines:

  1. How many of our emotions we share.
  2. How emotionally guarded or emotionally open we are.

Affection is unique because:

  1. The temperament needs of Affection cannot be genuinely met without a deep, emotionally close relationship with our Lord.
  2. It determines how intimate we are with the extremely close people in our lives, and it also determines the depth of our feelings.

Each person tends to see the Lord from their temperament perspective. Their individual temperament affects their interaction with the Lord.

They will tend to express love and affection to the Lord in the same manner as they express love and affection to their deep relationships.

If they resist opening up and establishing deep, intimate relationships with others, they may also resist a deep, intimate relationship with the Lord.

Jesus Christ is the Living Word, and when we accept Him as our Lord and Savior, He reveals the Written Word (The Holy Bible) to us.

All He wants in return is for us to ask Him into our heart and to love Him with all our heart.

In other words, the temperament need of Affection cannot be fully met without a deep, emotionally close relationship with our Lord.

In this issue we are going to look at some of the Supine in Affection tendencies and what they need to do in order to line up their Affection area with the Word of God.

SUPINES IN AFFECTION TEND TO:

  1. Be responders rather than initiators for two reasons:
    1. They have a high fear of rejection
    2. They feel that if their deep relationships initiate, their love will then be genuine.
  2. Feel worthless and unlovable at times. They see value in others but not themselves, so they are unable to understand who could love them; therefore, they will be constantly looking for reasons why their deep relationships should not love them.
  3. Be tenderhearted and emotional. They have a capacity of serving their deep relationships, but they need recognition for what they do; otherwise, they will feel used and become bitter and angry.
  4. Internalize their anger and mask it as “hurt” feelings. They prefer saying their “feelings are hurt” rather than saying “I am angry.” This is because they believe that their deep relationships should know that they “hurt their feelings.”
  5. Cry when they become emotional because they do not know how to deal with the rejection from their deep relationships.
  6. Require and will respond to a great deal of love and affection. They will respond with touching, hugging and kissing, as well as responding by serving and performing tasks for their deep relationships. They need intimacy as much as the actual act of sex because they need to be hugged and cuddled.
  7. Perceive rejection and become easily offended and insulted, especially when their deep relationships do not initiate love and affection.

SUPINES IN AFFECTION NEED TO:

  1. Learn that God created them and loves them so much. He wants them to open up their heart and let His love flow through them. When they do this, the love that flows through them will be God’s genuine, perfect loveand as we know, “perfect love casteth out all fear! See I John 4:18: There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”
  2. Learn that their feelings of worthlessness and of being unlovable are just that, feelings. The fact is that God loves them so much that He sacrificed his own son on the cross to atone for their sins. See John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” See also II Thessalonians 2:16-17: “Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts, and stablish you in every good word and work.”
  3. Learn to look to God for recognition and approval, not to their deep relationships so that they do not feel used and become bitter and angry. See Ephesians 4:31: (NIV) “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” See also Philippians 4:19: “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” See also Proverbs 15:13: “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance….”
  4. Learn to admit that when they say their “feelings are hurt,” they are actually saying “I am angry.” Once they admit that are actually angry, they need to learn to deal with this anger by forgiving the person who angered them. See Ephesians 4:26: “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” See also Colossians 3:12-13: “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”
  5. Learn that it is okay to express their emotions by crying, just as Luke wrote in the book of Acts . See Acts 20:19a: “Serving the Lord with all humility of mind, and with many tears….” Jesus wept when he was told Lazarus had died. See John 11:35-36: “Jesus wept. Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!” See Psalm 56:8: Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?”
  6. Learn to initiate love and affection. The Holy Scriptures tell us to love God with all our heart, mind and soul, so that His perfect love can flow through us. See Matthew 22:37-38: “Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, And with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.” See also I John 4:12b: “If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.”
  7. Learn that when they perceive rejection from their deep relationships, and they become offended and insulted, they need to turn to God’s Word, the Bible. The Bible tells us that God is always with them and that His perfect love cast out all fears of rejection. See Isaiah 41:10: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” See Ephesians 3:17-19: That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God.”

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Supine in Affection, you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

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Temperament Corner

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

 

WHAT IS LOVE?—SANGUINE IN AFFECTION

How many times have you, as a counselor, been asked?

“WHAT IS LOVE?”

Your first response could be to tell them “GOD IS LOVE” (I John 4:16) and direct them to read John 3:16: “For God so loved the world….” (See also I John 4:8-10.)

Your second response could even be to direct them to I CORINTHIANS 13: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love.…”

How many times, as a counselor, have you been asked?

“HOW CAN I LOVE MY HUSBAND, MY CHILDREN, AND MY FAMILY?”

Your response could be to tell them that they need to love them with God’s love and direct them to read I John 4:12b: “…If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.”

How many times, as a counselor, have you been asked?

“HOW CAN I LOVE MY DEEP RELATIONSHIPS WITH GOD’S LOVE?”

Your responses could be to explain to them that after giving their heart to Jesus, His perfect love will flow through them. The only way they can truly love their deep relationships is by stepping aside and allowing Him to love their deep relationships through Him.

Now it is no longer their imperfect love that is loving their deep relationships; it is His perfect love flowing through them.

Dr. Douglas A. Wheeler points out in his book Betrothed: “We need to learn to accept God’s love.” He wrote: “The love of God has nothing to do with you and all to do with Him. You cannot earn the love of God, because it was there for you from the foundation of the world.”

Your counselees need to learn to rest in God’s love and not strive to meet their own needs for love and affection because God will supply their needs. In so doing, they will be able to meet the needs of their deep relationships.

Nehemiah 8:10 tells us, “…for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Putting Jesus first, then Others, then Yourself = JOY!

Psalm 139:14 tells us that God is our Creator: “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

As you know, we are triune beings made up of BODY, SOUL and SPIRIT.

Our BODY is our physical makeup.

Our SOUL encompasses our mind, will and emotions. In temperament we call
these areas of the SOUL: Inclusion, Control and Affection.

Mary said in Luke 1:46-47: “My SOUL doth magnify the Lord, and
my SPIRIT hath rejoiced in God my Savior.”

Our SPIRIT is our only connecting link with God.

John 4:24 tells us: “God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must
worship him in spirit and in truth.”

Since our Spirit is our only connecting link with our Lord, how can we help our counselees make that connection?

By teaching them that they need to have their Body, Soul and Spirit in balance.

Each area of the Soul (Inclusion, Control, Affection) is trying to meet its needs—either in godly or ungodly ways.

Once we help our counselees learn how to bring balance to their Soul area, then the Spirit can take its rightful place.

We are going to look at ways we can help our counselees line up their Affection area with the Word of God.

In review, Affection is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory connection with deep relationships for love and affection.

The needs within the temperament range from expressing love and affection to all deep relationships to expressing love and affection to only a select few.

They also vary from wanting love and affection from all deep relationships to wanting love and affection from only a select few.

Affection is the need:

1. To express and receive love and approval.
2. For deep personal relationships.

Affection determines:

1. How many of our emotions we share.
2. How emotionally guarded or emotionally open we are.

Affection is unique because:

1. The temperament needs of Affection cannot be genuinely met without a deep,
emotionally close relationship with our Lord.
2. It determines how intimate we are with the extremely close people in
our lives, and it also determines the depth of our feelings.

Each person tends to see the Lord from their temperament perspective. Their individual temperament affects their interaction with the Lord.

They will tend to express love and affection to the Lord in the same manner as they express love and affection to their deep relationships.

If they resist opening up and establishing deep, intimate relationships with others, they may also resist a deep, intimate relationship with the Lord.

Jesus Christ is the Living Word, and when we accept Him as our Lord and Savior, He reveals the Written Word (The Holy Bible) to us.

All He wants in return is for us to ask Him into our heart and to love Him with all our heart.

In other words, the temperament need of Affection cannot be fully met without a deep, emotionally close relationship with our Lord.

In this issue we are going to look at some of the Sanguine in Affection tendencies and what they need to do in order to line up their Affection area with the Word of God.

SANGUINES IN AFFECTION TEND TO:

  1. Express their love and affection to their deep relationships by touching because touching helps them to feel “connected. Touching includes snuggling, hugging, holding hands,  kissing, etc. They also tend to like to verbalize their love and affection.
  2. Establish and maintain deep relationships with many people.
  3. Live in the “now.” They need to receive a great deal of love and affection from their deep relationships “right now.” They also need to be told that they are loved “right now, for yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.
  4. Try harder to please their deep relationships, especially when they fear their overtures of love and affection are being rejected.
  5. Say and do things that they know are wrong, but do them anyhow to keep from being rejected.
  6. Be highly emotional and may explode in outbursts of anger when rejected by their deep relationships; however, this anger does not last very long, and they soon forget why they were angry. After an angry outburst, they are ready to “kiss and make up.”
  7. Go into a downward “swing” and become moody and depressed when rejected by their deep relationships.

SANGUINES IN AFFECTION NEED TO:

  1. Learn that they can overwhelm or smother their deep relationships with their constant expressions of love and affection, so they need to learn not to make ungodly demands on their deep relationships. I John 4:12 tells them: “…If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.”
  2. Learn to establish and maintain a deep relationship with God as diligently as they pursue deep relationships with people. They can never overwhelm or smother God with their constant expressions of love and affection. God will always be there for them. Matthew 22:37 tells them: “… Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.”
  3. Learn not to just use their deep relationships to meet their own needs, but rather to love them as God loves them: John 15:12 tells them: “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.”
  4. Learn that they cannot expect their deep relationships to act and react as they do because their deep relationships may not express and want the same amount of love and affection that Sanguines express and want. I Corinthians 13: 4-5 tells them: “Charity (love) suffereth long, and is kind; charity (love) envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own….”
  5. Learn not to say and do things they know are wrong because of their fear of rejection. Philippians 4:8 tells them: “Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
  6. Learn to discipline themselves and count to ten before exploding in anger. Ecclesiastes 7:9 tells them: “Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.” See also Ephesians 4:31-32: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
  7. Learn when they are rejected by deep relationships, and they “swing” down and become moody and depressed, to turn to God’s Word, the Bible. When they do this, they will discover that God is always there for them and that He is their constant companion—they are never alone. By knowing this, they will be able to “swing” back  and be the upbeat and inspiring person God created them to be. Hebrews 13:5b tells them: “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Sanguine in Affection, you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at “What is Love?—Supine in Affection.”

Home | IR Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

                                 

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

 

                                WHAT IS LOVE?—PHLEGMATIC IN AFFECTION

How many times have you, as a counselor, been asked?

“WHAT IS LOVE?”

Your first response could be to tell them “GOD IS LOVE” (I John 4:16) and direct them to read John 3:16: “For God so loved the world….” (See also I John 4:8-10.)

Your second response could even be to direct them to I CORINTHIANS 13: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love.…”

How many times, as a counselor, have you been asked?

“HOW CAN I LOVE MY HUSBAND, MY CHILDREN, AND MY FAMILY?”

Your response could be to tell them that they need to love them with God’s love and direct them to read I John 4:12b: “…If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.”

How many times, as a counselor, have you been asked?

“HOW CAN I LOVE MY DEEP RELATIONSHIPS WITH GOD’S LOVE?”

Your responses could be to explain to them that after giving their heart to Jesus, His perfect love will flow through them. The only way they can truly love their deep relationships is by stepping aside and allowing Him to love their deep relationships through Him.

Now it is no longer their imperfect love that is loving their deep relationships; it is His perfect love flowing through them.

Dr. Douglas A. Wheeler points out in his book Betrothed: “We need to learn to accept God’s love.” He wrote: “The love of God has nothing to do with you and all to do with Him. You cannot earn the love of God, because it was there for you from the foundation of the world.”

Your counselees need to learn to rest in God’s love and not strive to meet their own needs for love and affection because God will supply their needs. In so doing, they will be able to meet the needs of their deep relationships.

Nehemiah 8:10 tells us, “…for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Putting Jesus first, then Others, then Yourself = JOY!

Psalm 139:14 tells us that God is our Creator: “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

As you know, we are triune beings made up of BODY, SOUL and SPIRIT.

Our BODY is our physical makeup.

Our SOUL encompasses our mind, will and emotions. In temperament we call
these areas of the SOUL: Inclusion, Control and Affection.

Mary said in Luke 1:46-47: “My SOUL doth magnify the Lord, and
my SPIRIT hath rejoiced in God my Savior.”

Our SPIRIT is our only connecting link with God.

John 4:24 tells us: “God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must
worship him in spirit and in truth.”

Since our Spirit is our only connecting link with our Lord, how can we help our counselees make that connection?

By teaching them that they need to have their Body, Soul and Spirit in balance.

Each area of the Soul (Inclusion, Control, Affection) is trying to meet its needs—either in godly or ungodly ways.

Once we help our counselees learn how to bring balance to their Soul area, then the Spirit can take its rightful place.

We are going to look at ways we can help our counselees line up their Affection area with the Word of God.

In review, Affection is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory connection with deep relationships for love and affection.

The needs within the temperament range from expressing love and affection to all deep relationships to expressing love and affection to only a select few.

They also vary from wanting love and affection from all deep relationships to wanting love and affection from only a select few.

Affection is the need:

1. To express and receive love and approval.
2. For deep personal relationships.

Affection determines:

1. How many of our emotions we share.
2. How emotionally guarded or emotionally open we are.

Affection is unique because:

1. The temperament needs of Affection cannot be genuinely met without a deep,
emotionally close relationship with our Lord.
2. It determines how intimate we are with the extremely close people in
our lives, and it also determines the depth of our feelings.

Each person tends to see the Lord from their temperament perspective. Their individual temperament affects their interaction with the Lord.

They will tend to express love and affection to the Lord in the same manner as they express love and affection to their deep relationships.

If they resist opening up and establishing deep, intimate relationships with others, they may also resist a deep, intimate relationship with the Lord.

Jesus Christ is the Living Word, and when we accept Him as our Lord and Savior, He reveals the Written Word (The Holy Bible) to us.

All He wants in return is for us to ask Him into our heart and to love Him with all our heart.

In other words, the temperament need of Affection cannot be fully met without a deep, emotionally close relationship with our Lord.

In this issue we are going to look at some of the Phlegmatic in Affection tendencies and what they need to do in order to line up their Affection area with the Word of God.

PHLEGMATICS IN AFFECTION TEND TO:

1. Have low energy and can be overly protective of this low energy.

2. Be an observer of their deep relationships because of fear of draining their low energy.

3. Use their dry sense of humor as a means of keeping their deep relationships from exhausting their low energy.

4. Prefer their deep, personal relationships express a minimal amount of touch, hugging and kissing.

5. Reject expressions of love and affection if it is not expressed in a manner with which
they feel comfortable.

6. Be emotionally guarded and can appear selfish and uncaring to their deep relationships.

7. Be perfectionistic and critical of their deep relationships.

8. Frustrate and irritate their deep relationships when using their dry sense of humor because they do not know if they are serious or joking.

PHLEGMATICS IN AFFECTION NEED TO:

1. Learn to be less protective of their low energy and make an effort to stay involved with their deep relationships. See Psalm 18:1: “I will love thee, O Lord, my strength.”

2. Learn to stop being just an observer and become involved. See I John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment.”

3. Learn that their dry sense of humor can be frustrating and irritating to their deep relationships. See Romans 14:19: “Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.”

4. Learn to come out of their comfort zone and be willing to accept the touches, hugs, and kisses from their deep relationships. See II Timothy 1:7: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

5. Learn to accept rather than reject expressions of love and affection from their deep relationships. See I Peter 1:22: “Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently.”

6. Learn to take off their “mask” that makes them appear selfish and uncaring. See Romans 12:9: “Let love be without dissimulation (concealing true nature)….”

7. Learn to see their deep relationships with the “Eyes of Christ” and accept them as God created them. See I John 4:12: “No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.”

8. Learn to choose their words carefully when they are making humorous remarks trying to protect their energy as they can be, at times, cutting or hurtful. See Proverbs 15:23: “A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!” See also Proverbs 25:11: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Phlegmatic in Affection, you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at What is Love?—Sanguine in Affection.

 

Temperament Corner

JESUS!  THE GREATEST GIFT

The greatest gift of all is from our Heavenly Father. He gave us His Son, Jesus Christ, to come into this world to live and die so that we might live with Him eternally!

                     “For God so loved the world,

                             that he gave his only begotten Son,

                                    that whosoever believeth in him

                                           should not perish,

                                                  but have everlasting life.”  John 3:16

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

I so love celebrating Christmas!  I love to sing the Christmas hymns and be with the family. It is also fun to reminisce about the wonderful and sometimes hectic times we had with our family on Christmas Eve.

At Christmastime the air is full of excitement!  I believe the excitement is still here from when the angels came to the shepherds so long ago.

Luke 2: 8-10 tells us:

“And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior which is Christ the Lord.”

Can you imagine the electricity and excitement in the air when the angels of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them? It was probably a quiet night; then, all of a sudden Heaven lit up and God’s angels were singing, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” (Luke 2:14)  The Scriptures say the shepherds were sore afraid, but they must have also felt the excitement.

Luke 2:15 tells us:

“And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.”

Luke 2:20 tells us:

“And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.”

Matthew 2: 1-2 tells us:

“Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem, saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? For we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him.”

Matthew 2:11 tells us:

“And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts.”

Gold – Precious metal.  It could have financed Joseph’s and Mary’s trip to Egypt.            

Frankincense Highly fragrant when burned and was used in worship, where it burned as a pleasant offering to God (Exodus 30:34).

Myrrh —Spice that was used in embalming.  Myrrh symbolizes bitterness, suffering and affliction.

We, too, can bring Him our gifts. What can we give him? Our hearts! We do this by accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior!

Let’s review some of the ways giving their heart to Jesus will affect the five temperaments.

When the Choleric gives their heart to Jesus, they will:

1.  Desire to submit to God’s will for their life.

2.  Trust God to guide their steps.

3.  Become the leaders God created them to be.

4.  Look to God, not man, for their recognition and approval.

5.  Be able to love their deep relationships in ways that are not controlling and demanding.   

When the Melancholy gives their heart to Jesus, they will:

1.  Desire to submit to God’s will for their life.

2.  Learn to trust God, and become more trusting of people.

3.  Become less fearful of the unknown, less rigid and inflexible, and less sensitive to failure.

4.  Be more forgiving of those that have wronged them.

5.  Be able to express love and affection to their deep relationships without the fear of rejection.

When the Phlegmatic gives their heart to Jesus, they will:

1.  Desire to submit to God’s will for their life.

2.  Become more flexible with people and more involved in life rather than just be an observer.

3.  Trust God to direct their steps as they know He will not give them more than what their low energy can handle.

4.   Be less prone to express their humor in a hurtful manner.

5.  Be more willing to express love and affection to their deep relationships rather than always trying to preserve their energy.

When the Sanguine gives their heart to Jesus, they will:

1.  Desire to submit to God’s will for their life.

2.  Know that He will never leave or forsake them.

3.  Consider Him their best friend, and trust Him to direct their steps.

4.  Be less likely to follow the wrong crowd because they will be less fearful of rejection.

5.  Be less likely to make ungodly demands on their deep relationships.

When the Supine gives their heart to Jesus, they will:

1.  Desire to submit to God’s will for their life.

2.  Not feel rejected because they know that God is always with them and they are never alone.

3. Trust Him to help them with their decisions rather than always relying on family and friends.

4.  Learn to maintain balance in their life by seeking God’s guidance when they take on responsibilities.

5.  Be able to express Godly love to those around them rather than sitting back waiting for others to express first.

Psalm 23: 3 tells us that He restores our soul and leads us in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

In order for Him to restore our soul, we need to submit our hearts to God.

When we submit our heart to Jesus, He gives us a new, clean heart.  Old things have passed away, and we will then desire to do His will and please Him with all that we say and do. See Ezekiel 36:26.

In order to do our part, we need to:
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23

May this Christmas season be a time of expressing God’s abiding love to those around you, and may you be filled with His inexplicable JOY!

                                                   J ESUS

                                                  O THERS

                                                  Y OU!

 

Temperament Corner

WHAT IS LOVE? — MELANCHOLY IN AFFECTION

How many times have you, as a counselor, been asked?

“WHAT IS LOVE?”

Your first response would be to tell them GOD IS LOVE (I John 4:16) and direct them to read John 3:16: “For God so loved the world…” (See also I John 4:8-10.)

Your second response would probably be to direct them to I CORINTHIANS 13: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love.…”

How many times, as a counselor, have you been asked?

“HOW CAN I LOVE MY HUSBAND, MY CHILDREN, AND MY FAMILY?

Your response could be to tell them that they need to love them with God’s love and direct them to read I John 4:12b: “…If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.”

How many times, as a counselor, have you been asked?

“HOW CAN I LOVE MY DEEP RELATIONSHIPS WITH GOD’S LOVE?”

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

Your responses could be to explain to them that after giving their heart to Jesus, His perfect love will flow through them. The only way they can truly love their deep relationships is by stepping aside and allowing Him to love their deep relationships through them.

Now it is no longer their imperfect love that is loving their deep relationships; it is His perfect love flowing through them.

Dr. Douglas A. Wheeler points out in his book Betrothed: “We need to learn to accept God’s love.” He wrote: “The love of God has nothing to do with you and all to do with Him. You cannot earn the love of God because it was there for you from the foundation of the world.”

Your counselees need to learn to rest in God’s love and not strive to meet their own needs for love and affection because God will supply their needs. In so doing, they will be able to meet the needs of their deep relationships.

Nehemiah 8:10 tells us …for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Putting Jesus first, then Others, then Yourself = JOY!

Psalm 139:14 tells us that God is our Creator: I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

As you know, we are triune beings made up of BODY, SOUL, and SPIRIT.

Our BODY is our physical makeup.

Our SOUL encompasses our mind, will, and emotions. In temperament, we call these areas of the SOUL: Inclusion, Control, and Affection.

Mary said in Luke 1:46-47: My SOUL doth magnify the Lord, and my SPIRIT hath rejoiced in God my Savior.”

Our SPIRIT is our only connecting link with God.

John 4:24 tells us: “God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.”

Since our Spirit is our only connecting link with our Lord, how can we help our counselees make that connection?

We begin by teaching them that they need to have their Body, Soul, and Spirit in balance.

Each area of the Soul (Inclusion, Control, Affection) is trying to meet its needs—either in godly or ungodly ways.

Once we help our counselees learn how to bring balance to their Soul area, then the Spirit can take its rightful place.

We are going to look at ways we can help our counselees line up their Affection area with the Word of God.

In review, Affection is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory connection with deep relationships for love and affection.

The needs within the temperament range from expressing love and affection to all deep relationships to expressing love and affection to only a select few.

They also vary from wanting love and affection from all deep relationships to wanting love and affection from only a select few.

Affection is the need:

  1. To express and receive love and approval.
  2. For deep personal relationships.

Affection determines:

  1. How many of our emotions we share.
  2. How emotionally guarded or emotionally open we are.

Affection is unique because:

  1. The temperament needs of Affection cannot be genuinely met without a deep, emotionally close relationship with our Lord.
  2. It determines how intimate we are with the extremely close people in our lives, and it also determines the depth of our feelings.

Each person tends to see the Lord from their temperament perspective. Their individual temperament affects their interaction with the Lord.

They will tend to express love and affection to the Lord in the same manner as they express love and affection to their deep relationships.

If they resist opening up and establishing deep, intimate relationships with others, they may also resist a deep, intimate relationship with the Lord.

Jesus Christ is the Living Word, and when we accept Him as our Lord and Savior, He reveals the Written Word (The Holy Bible) to us.

All He wants in return is for us to ask Him into our heart and to love Him with all our heart.

In other words, the temperament need of Affection cannot be fully met without a deep, emotionally close relationship with our Lord.

In this issue we are going to look at some of the Melancholy in Affection tendencies and what they need to do in order to line up their Affection area with the Word of God.

MELANCHOLIES IN AFFECTION TEND TO:

  1. Be emotionally guarded. They have a fear of rejection and betrayal as they usually feel that they are not worthy of being loved.
  2. Have deep, tender feelings but are not comfortable expressing their feelings with words. They rarely say “I love you” as they tend to feel that words are cheap, and also, that expressing their feelings with words would make them more vulnerable.
  3. Feel more comfortable expressing their love as a task. They tend to feel that the act of having sex is more tangible (concrete or real) to them than using words, hugging and touching, etc.
  4. Be faithful, loyal and self-sacrificing for their deep relationships. They would even die for them; however, their deep relationships will seldom, if ever, know.
  5. Not want their deep relationships to hug and touch them all the time. Some comments from Melancholies in Affection include: “I feel they are pawing all over me,” “They make my skin crawl,” and “My space is being invaded.”
  6. Become angry and vindictive if a deep relationship betrays them. They tend to spend their time trying to think of ways to get even. By doing this, they end up putting themselves in a prison of unforgiveness. (Usually, they do not realize that they are the only ones holding the keys to unforgiveness.)
  7. Be lonely after the loss of a deep relationship. They will tell you that they are lonelyhowever, what they are not telling you is that they are lonely for their deep relationship that is gone, and they believe that no one else can ever fill that void.
  8. Feel uncomfortable when their deep relationships want to have a romantic evening with dinner, etc. They may respond with: “I paid the electric bill; I don’t need to eat by candlelight,” or “I want to see what I am eating.”

MELANCHOLIES IN AFFECTION NEED TO:

  1. Learn to become secure in God’s love. God created them, loves them with His perfect love, and will never leave or forsake them. See Psalm 139:14-18. (Also Psalm 89:33 and Isaiah 54:10)
  2. Learn to come out of their comfort zone and express to their loved ones the words they need to hear them say, such as: “I love you,” “You are the best thing that ever happened to me,” or “ I don’t know what I would do without you,” etc. See I John 4:9-11.
  3. Learn that it is okay to share with their deep relationships that they are expressing love when they do tasks for them. See Romans 12:9-10.
  4. Learn to be secure enough with their deep relationships to tell them that they love them so much that they would die for them. See John 15:12-13.
  5. Learn to accept love and affection from their deep relationships in the manner that they express love and affection. For example, if their deep relationship is relationship-oriented and loves a back rub, they can rub their back as a task, and it will meet their relationshiporiented need for touching. See Philippians 2:3-5.
  6. Learn to forgive and bless those that have betrayed them rather than waste time trying to think of ways to get even with them. They do not realize that they are making themselves prisoners of their own anger and unforgiveness. See Matthew 6:14-15 and Ephesians 4:31-32.
  7. Learn that God’s love will fill their void. Scripture tells us that we are to love God first and that we are to love Him with all our heart. See Psalm 91:1-2 and Isaiah 43:1-3(Also Mathew 22:37-38.)
  8. Learn to come out of their comfort zone and meet the needs of their deep relationshipsWhen they do so, their deep relationships will, in turn, want to meet the Melancholy’s needs. See John 13:34.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Melancholy in Affection, you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue, we will look at What is Love?—Phlegmatic in Affection.

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