Temperament Corner

SPECIAL NOTES FOR COUNSELING MARRIED COUPLES THAT HAVE “LIKE” TEMPERAMENTS IN THE INCLUSION AREA.

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

Author

As you know, “opposite” temperaments tend to attract each other because of their differences; however, we also find that “like” temperaments can also tend to attract each other. And just like the “opposite” temperaments, the “like” temperaments need to learn to live with each other.  The “like” temperaments need to understand their likenesses.

In this issue, we will cover a Choleric married to a Choleric in the Inclusion area.  

In review, the Inclusion area is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory relationship with people in the area of surface relationships, association, socialization, and their intellectual energies.

The following are some words that describe a Choleric in Inclusion: 

charming                       personable                        chameleon      

confident                       well-organized                  task-oriented           

upbeat                           fast-paced                          strong-minded

people motivators         needs recognition              abusive temper

CHOLERIC IN INCLUSION MARRIED TO A CHOLERIC IN INCLUSION

In the Inclusion area there will be no “opposites attracting” since they are both Cholerics in Inclusion.  They will have to learn to work together, not against each other.

Both tend to have great leadership abilities in the Inclusion area, and they tend to know they do.

Both tend to be task-oriented and also tend to have people skills in the Inclusion area.

Both tend to want and need constant recognition. They may tend to frequently compete with each other to see who can “outsell,”  “outtalk,” or “outdo” the other.

When opposites attract, they can learn to balance each other; however, two Cholerics in Inclusion may have a more difficult time learning how to bring balance into their relationship as they each tend to want to be in the lead.

BOTH PARTIES HAVE THE SAME BASIC NEEDS

1.  TO HAVE RECOGNITION AND APPROVAL

Both need recognition and approval for their accomplishments.

Both tend to be “I” people, e.g., “I sold the most cars”; “I took us over the $100,000 mark”; “I made all the choir robes”; “I baked all those cookies”; “I organized the bake sale”; etc. This is okay, as long as they are not saying “I” when both spouses are working on the same project.  If they say “I” instead of “we,” this will tend to anger the spouse, and the spouse may try to get even or make statements such as, “Believe me, he/she did not do this by themselves; I worked on this project too and did most of the work!”

Both will tend to take on responsibilities and obligations to meet their need for recognition and approval.  The more recognition and approval they receive, the more responsibilities they will take on—until they burn out. The more recognition and approval they receive from “man,” the less they will be looking to God for recognition and approval.  They will then be trying to please “man” rather than God.

Both tend to want recognition and approval from their spouse and may become angry if they do not receive it.

Both will tend to try to meet their needs for recognition and approval by:

  • being charming and charismatic, i.e., “Mr. or Mrs.Personality.”
  • being attentive.
  • taking on activities that would exhaust other temperaments
  • going the extra mile to help people.
GUIDELINES FOR HELPING THIS COUPLE
  • Learn to look to God first for their recognition and approval.
  • Learn that by looking to God first to meet this need:
    • each must then acknowledge the other’s needs for recognition and accomplishments.
    • each must then learn to give this much-needed recognition to the other.

2. TO HAVE SOCIAL INTERACTION

Both parties will take on social obligations in order to “sell” their wares.  They will usually tend to accept only invitations that will be beneficial to them. 

At times a Choleric spouse may tend to not want to accompany their Choleric spouse, especially if it is not beneficial to them.  Why attend if they are not going to benefit?

They may tend to prefer to stay home rather than to take on social obligations where they have no interest.

GUIDELINES FOR HELPING THIS COUPLE
  • Learn to respect each other’s God-given areas of expertise.
  • Learn to attend social functions, when they are not in charge, in order to support each other.

3.  TO MOTIVATE

Both are motivators. They both tend to motivate people to accomplish their goals.  They must learn to respect each other by motivating each other with acceptable behavior in order to accomplish their goals.

The following are some ways that Cholerics in Inclusion may try to motivate their spouse:

  • by using charm
  • by making promises
  • by using anger
  • by using threats
  • by using force or violence
GUIDELINES FOR HELPING THIS COUPLE
  • Using charm is acceptable, if it is used properly; some Cholerics inInclusion tend to use charm as an illusion of intimacy in order to achieve their goals. 
  • Making promises is acceptable, if they keep them.
  • Using anger is not acceptable.  This can occur when their charm and promises do not motivate.  This anger can be expressed  verbally and/or physically. They need to learn that using anger will not help them accomplish their goals in a godly way.
  • Using threats is not acceptable.  If the above does not work, then they may resort to threats—they may actually follow through  with the threats.
  • Using force or violence is not acceptable; it is usually their last option.  This is when they physically and mentally force their spouse to do things the spouse may not want to do.

4.  TO BE THE “STAR OF THE SHOW”

Neither spouse likes to be a “second banana” and may upstage the other, especially if they are trying to “sell” their ideas or promote an agenda. 

Neither spouse should try to force the other to go somewhere that they do not want to go.  If they are cornered and cannot get out of going, the results could be devastating.

Why?  If a Choleric is cornered into going where they do not want to go, they can really become overbearing and may use comments that put their spouse down, or they may even change the whole topic of the meeting—just to get even.  On the other hand, they might just pull back and sit in the back (like a Melancholy) and think of ways to get even with their spouse.

Cholerics in Inclusion tend to expect their spouse to act and react the way they want them to act and react. They tend to say, “You should have said …” They need to learn that their spouse also has the right to act and react the way they deem appropriate.

GUIDELINES FOR HELPING THIS COUPLE
  • Both need to learn to respect the rights and feelings of each other.
  • Both need to learn to not try to force the other to support their agenda.
  • Both need to learn that since they are one, they really should make an effort to show interest in each other’s endeavors.
  • Both need to learn to give each other the right to be who God created them to be, with their own thoughts and plans.

SETTING BOUNDARIES FOR THIS COUPLE

  • They both must allow the other to establish and maintain their individuality; however, then they must come together to make their marriage strong so that they can “remain as one.”
  • Because of their need for independence, they must set aside time each day to communicate with each other in order to keep from overstepping each other’s boundaries.
  • Both must work together and clearly define their responsibilities in order to maintain and run an effective household. Once this goal is achieved, they need to work out who will handle what and then be faithful to their commitment rather than competing with or overriding each other.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling Like Cholerics in Inclusion, you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, birth order, learned behavior and personality.

In the next issue we will look at Counseling Married Couples with Like Temperaments in the Inclusion area of the Melancholy.

Home | IR Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

Wings

PSALM 91 (KJV)

1. He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

3. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

4. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.  

5. Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

6. Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

7. A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

8. Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

9. Because thou has made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

10. There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

11. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

12. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

13. Thou shalt tred upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

14. Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

15. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

16. With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

FEAR

FEAR IS A BIG BULLY AND PREYS ON ALL OF THE TEMPERAMENTS!

Fear can keep us locked up in a prison of darkness. But YOU have the key to get out of this prison of darkness. The key is Jesus!

We need to trust that Jesus will get rid of the bully.

How? Jesus is the Light of the World, and the darkness has to run from Him. And

Jesus always keeps His Word.

For example, take a flashlight and shine the light in a dark place and see what happens—the darkness disappears!

The same thing will happen with our fears because Jesus is our Light—our fears will disappear!

The Holy Scriptures tell us:

“Fear not.” It is in our Bible over 70 times and tells us that God is always here for us; however, sometimes, when we are going through the valleys, we tend to let fear creep in and take over.

Encouraging Scriptures regarding fear:

Isaiah 41:10: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

Joshua 1:5: “I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

Psalm 23:4, 5: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

Psalm 27:1: “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?”

Psalm 56:11: “In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.”

Hebrews 13:6: “So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

Dr. Phyllis Arno

II Timothy 1:7: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

I John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE FEARS IN THE INCLUSION AREA OF THE SUPINE AND SHINE THE LIGHT OF JESUS ON THEM.

In review, Inclusion is the need to establish and maintain satisfactory relationships with people in the area of surface relationships.  (This includes association and socialization.) It also encompasses a person’s intellectual energies.

1.  PERCEIVED FEAR OF SOCIAL REJECTION

Supines in Inclusion tend to want and need to be included; however, their perceived fear of rejection keeps them from initiating. They will wait for personal invitations so that they can feel genuinely accepted and wanted.  If they do not receive a personal invitation, they will tend to feel they have no value and that they are unwanted.

Supines in Inclusion may find ways to receive a personal invitation to social events by doing special things, such as making delicious cakes, pies, and salads that nobody else would take the time to make, teaching Sunday school, singing in the choir, assisting in the nursery, operating the sound systems, creating and donating beautiful floral arrangements, driving church buses or vans, etc.  Supines in Inclusion have a servant’s heart and will rarely turn down an opportunity to serve others.

Supines in Inclusion need to learn that people cannot read their mind and know that they want to be included; therefore, they need to learn to initiate and express their wants and needs.

Supines in Inclusion also need to learn that God created them and that He tells them in the Holy Scriptures not to fear people, for He is always with them.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their perceived fears of social rejection so that they can comfortably interact and fellowship with God’s people.

Deuteronomy 31:8 tells us: “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be See Isaiah 41:10: “Fear thou not; for I am with the: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”discouraged.” (NIV).

2.  FEAR OF BEING IMPERFECT 

Supines in Inclusion tend to have a difficult time accepting compliments from others because they can only see their flaws.  For example, if someone told them that they look great, they might say: “Thank you, but this outfit is old,” or “I need my hair cut,” or “My shoes need to be polished,” etc

Because of this fear of being imperfect, they tend to believe that they can never measure up to other people’s standards.  They tend to feel that people are observing them and can see all their imperfections.

Supines in Inclusion need to know in their heart that God created them in His image and that they do not need to feel that they are inferior to others. They need to learn that nobody is perfect and that we are all works in progress.  God does the perfecting as we submit to Him.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of imperfection.  The key for them is to know their standing with God, and that He will do the perfecting as they submit to Him.

Hebrews 13:20-21: “Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is well-pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

3. FEAR OF CALLING “HURT FEELINGS” ANGER 

Supines in Inclusion tend to fear admitting that their hurt feelings are internalized anger; therefore, rather than call their anger, “anger,” they tend to call it “hurt feelings.” This is because, to them, saying “My feelings are hurt” is less offensive than saying “I am angry.” Even though they are angry at someone, they do not want to offend them.    

Supines in Inclusion need to learn to recognize and deal with their internalized anger.  They need to learn to say, “I am angry because….” In other words, they need to pull up this anger and submit it to God so they can be free of it.

If the Supine in Inclusion does not recognize their internalized anger and submit it to God, they will tend to dwell on this anger and become angrier.  As they do so, this internalized anger builds or grows inside of them—it consumes them, and they tend to lose their gentle spirit and servant’s heart; therefore, they need to deal with this internalized anger and submit it to the Lord.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of calling their “hurt feelings” anger and submit this anger to Him so they do not stifle their gentle spirit and servant’s heart.

Ephesians 4:31: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.”

4.  FEAR OF DEATH AND DYING

Supines in Inclusion tend to fear death and dying because they tend to feel that they have never done enough to deserve going to Heaven. They will tend to “work themselves to death” for others and still feel that they are unworthy.

Supines in Inclusion may also fear the death and dying of a friend because they may feel this is rejection and a personal loss when a friend dies.  At times, they may even fear that they are responsible for a friend’s death because of something they may have said, done, or thought. This is a Supine tendency to feel responsible for everything that happens.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of death and dying and learn to place their trust in God because He will keep His word.  They also need to learn that they are not responsible for someone’s death because of something they may have said, done or thought.

Isaiah 25:8:  “He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces….”

CONCLUSION

Supines in Inclusion need to shine the light of Jesus on their fears and learn that:

1. God wants them to know that He is always with them and He will never leave or forsake them.  This means that they do not have to perceive rejection from people.

2. God wants them to know that He knows that we are not perfect; we are all works in progress. He also wants them to know that He will do the perfecting in their lives as they yield to Him.

3.  God wants them to recognize that their “hurt feelings” are actually internalized anger. He wants them to pull out these “hurt feelings”— internalized anger— and yield this anger to Him so that they can be set free and so they do not lose their gentle spirit and servant’s heart.

4.  God wants them to trust in Him and not fear death and dying, as He is directing their steps and will call them home when He determines their work on earth is completed.  He also wants them to learn that they are not responsible for the death of others because of something they may have said, done, or thought.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Phlegmatics in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

Home | IR Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

Wings

PSALM 91 (KJV)

1. He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

3. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

4. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.  

5. Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

6. Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

7. A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

8. Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

9. Because thou has made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

10. There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

11. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

12. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

13. Thou shalt tred upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

14. Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

15. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

16. With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

FEAR

FEAR IS A BIG BULLY AND PREYS ON ALL OF THE TEMPERAMENTS!

Fear can keep us locked up in a prison of darkness. But YOU have the key to get out of this prison of darkness. The key is Jesus!

We need to trust that Jesus will get rid of the bully.

How? Jesus is the Light of the World, and the darkness has to run from Him. And

Jesus always keeps His Word.

For example, take a flashlight and shine the light in a dark place and see what happens—the darkness disappears!

The same thing will happen with our fears because Jesus is our Light—our fears will disappear!

The Holy Scriptures tell us:

“Fear not.” It is in our Bible over 70 times and tells us that God is always here for us; however, sometimes, when we are going through the valleys, we tend to let fear creep in and take over.

Encouraging Scriptures regarding fear:

Isaiah 41:10: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

Joshua 1:5: “I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

Psalm 23:4, 5: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

Psalm 27:1: “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?”

Psalm 56:11: “In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.”

Hebrews 13:6: “So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

II Timothy 1:7: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

I John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

Dr. Phyllis Arno

LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE FEARS IN THE INCLUSION AREA OF THE SANGUINE AND SHINE THE LIGHT OF JESUS ON THEM.

In review, Inclusion is the need to establish and maintain satisfactory relationships with people in the area of surface relationships.  (This includes association and socialization.) It also encompasses a person’s intellectual energies.

1.  FEAR OF REJECTION  

Sanguines in Inclusion tend to have a fear of rejection and will tend to say and do things that they know they should not be saying and doing. In other words, they will “go along with the crowd.” If the crowd is drinking, they will drink; if the crowd is smoking pot, they will smoke pot, etc.

The fear of rejection is a driving force that can lead them to socialize with ungodly people and become involved in ungodly activities.

Sanguines in Inclusion need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of rejection and learn that He is always with them.  In so doing, they will no longer need to conform to an ungodly crowd to be accepted.

Deuteronomy 31:8 tells us: “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (NIV).

2.  FEAR OF BEING ALONE

Sanguines in Inclusion tend to have a fear of being alone.  Because of this fear, they may “wear out their welcome” with most of their friends. They will tend to want to go places and spend money just to be around people.  They also have a tendency to talk louder, laugh harder, and stay longer than anyone else. They tend to want to socialize into the “wee” hours of the morning, then go home and sleep until noon.

The fear of being alone is a driving force that can result in them continually searching for new friends, sometimes in the wrong places.  

Sanguines in Inclusion need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of being alone because He is their friend and will never leave or forsake them.

Matthew 28:20b Jesus tells us:  “…and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world.”(KJV)

3.  FEAR OF DEATH AND DYING OF FRIENDS 

Sanguines in Inclusion tend to fear the loss of friends through death and dying and tend to not want to talk about it.   They like to build relationships, not lose them. This is because they are relationship-oriented and people regenerate them.  When a friend dies, Sanguines can become angry, stressed and depressed. They may tend to avoid friends that are terminally ill because of their inability to deal with the fact that they will no longer be there for them. (This is a broken relationship for them.)       

The fear of death and dying of friends is a driving force that can lead them to seek many relationships in order to lessen their anger, stress and depression because a friend died and left them. 

Sanguines in Inclusion need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fear of losing friends through death and dying.  

I Peter 5:7 tells us:  “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”(NIV)

4.  FEAR OF PAIN

Sanguines in Inclusion tend to fear pain and will tend to seek out medical help to alleviate the pain; however, this can be dangerous because they may overmedicate themselves to avoid pain and become addicted. They may become angry and depressed.  When this happens, they may come to find that their friends do not want to be around them because, no matter how hard they try, they cannot “lift” the Sanguine up out of their anger and/or depression. The Sanguine does not even like themselves when they are down and moody! They will “swing” up out of their moodiness and depression after they self-indulge and begin to feel worthless.

The fear of pain is a driving force that can result in them becoming moody, stressed, irritable, and angry.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fear of pain because sometimes their fear of pain can be worse than the pain itself.  

Jeremiah 30:17 tells us: “For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the Lord….” (KJV)

CONCLUSION

Sanguines in Inclusion need to learn that:  

1.  God will always be with them and will never reject them.

2. God will always be there for them and they are never alone because He is a friend that “loveth at all times.” (Proverbs 17:17)

 3. God will comfort them through their grief; He is just a prayer away.

4.  God does not want them to focus on the fear of pain, but rather on Him.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Phlegmatics in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at FEARS in the Inclusion area of the Supine.

Home | IR Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

Wings

PSALM 91 (KJV)

1. He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

3. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

4. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.  

5. Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

6. Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

7. A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

8. Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

9. Because thou has made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

10. There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

11. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

12. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

13. Thou shalt tred upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

14. Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

15. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

16. With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

FEAR

FEAR IS A BIG BULLY AND PREYS ON ALL OF THE TEMPERAMENTS!

Fear can keep us locked up in a prison of darkness. But YOU have the key to get out of this prison of darkness. The key is Jesus!

We need to trust that Jesus will get rid of the bully.

How? Jesus is the Light of the World, and the darkness has to run from Him. And

Jesus always keeps His Word.

For example, take a flashlight and shine the light in a dark place and see what happens—the darkness disappears!

The same thing will happen with our fears because Jesus is our Light—our fears will disappear!

The Holy Scriptures tell us:

“Fear not.” It is in our Bible over 70 times and tells us that God is always here for us; however, sometimes, when we are going through the valleys, we tend to let fear creep in and take over.

Encouraging Scriptures regarding fear:

Isaiah 41:10: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

Joshua 1:5: “I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

Psalm 23:4, 5: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

Psalm 27:1: “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?”

Psalm 56:11: “In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.”

Hebrews 13:6: “So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

II Timothy 1:7: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

I John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

Dr. Phyllis Arno

LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE FEARS IN THE INCLUSION AREA OF THE PHLEGMATIC AND SHINE THE LIGHT OF JESUS ON THEM.

In review, Inclusion is the need to establish and maintain satisfactory relationships with people in the area of surface relationships. (This includes association and socialization.) It also encompasses a person’s intellectual energies.

1. FEAR OF BEING PRESSURED INTO BECOMING TOO INVOLVED

Phlegmatics in Inclusion tend to not want to become too involved. At work, they tend to try to keep to themselves so that others will not make demands on them. They will respond when spoken to, but will usually not go and initiate a “conversation at the water cooler.” They may even bring their own water bottle so that they do not have to walk to the water cooler for two reasons: First, they do not want to expend the energy; and second, they do not wish to be drawn into office politics. They would prefer to become “invisible.”

Phlegmatics in Inclusion may tend to want to stay home rather than attend church for two reasons: First, they do not want to expend the energy; and second, they do not wish to be drawn into church politics or projects.

Phlegmatics in Inclusion must learn to maintain balance in their life daily.

Otherwise, they may tend to work only at preserving their energy and may lose touch with life itself, including family and friends. It is important for them to know that they are capable of inspiring others, but, in order to inspire them, they need to be in contact with them.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of becoming too involved and learn that He loves them and wants them to not become weary in well-doing.

I Peter 4:10 tells us: “As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.”

2. FEAR OF SOCIALIZING

Phlegmatics in Inclusion tend to have the fear of socializing because they are physically drained after a day at work and they do not want to spend their evening interacting with people. Spending time with people in the evening may drain them even more.

Phlegmatics in Inclusion usually tend to prefer to go straight home and settle down in their easy chair or take a nap before dinner. Then, after dinner, they may tend to prefer to sit at the computer or watch TV rather than go out for the evening. In other words, they are “peopled-out” and their energy is depleted. Sometimes, if they have guests in their home, they may “slip out” or “disappear” and go to bed.

Phlegmatics in Inclusion need to learn to maintain balance in this area, not only for themselves, but for their friends and family. If they do not learn to maintain balance, they may find themselves reserving their energy to the point that they have withdrawn from the world itself.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of socializing. They can learn to do this by maintaining a close relationship with the Lord, so they will have the desire to share God’s love with others.

Psalm 34:4 tells us: “I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.”

3. FEAR OF MAKING CHANGES

Phlegmatics in Inclusion tend to have the fear of making changes. They do not like to change jobs, change homes, change cars, change churches, etc.

For the Phlegmatic in Inclusion it takes too much energy to change jobs, pack and move, purchase a new car, etc. For this reason they may tend to drive their cars until they “fall apart and quit running.”

Because they tend to be perfectionist and detail-oriented, Phlegmatics in Inclusion would have a difficult time trying to find the perfect job, the perfect home or the perfect car, so they tend to do nothing at all.

Phlegmatics in Inclusion need to learn to maintain balance in this area, not only for themselves, but for their friends and family.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fear of making changes so that their life can become less fearful and more peaceful.

Isaiah 41:10 tells us: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

4. FEAR OF PHYSICAL TAXATION

Phlegmatics in Inclusion tend to have the fear of physical taxation. They prefer not to be around Sanguines and Cholerics too much because they tend to try to control and make demands on them; therefore, the Phlegmatic in Inclusion will usually try to avoid the Sanguines and Cholerics. When they cannot avoid them, they will tend to keep them “at bay” by using their humor. Sometimes this humor is dry, sometimes it is witty and charming, and sometimes it can be cutting, hurtful and harsh.

Phlegmatics in Inclusion, because of their low energy level, tend to eat too much and not exercise enough. Therefore, they may tend to have weight problems, which can lead to other physical problems, such as high blood pressure, etc.

Phlegmatics in Inclusion need to learn to maintain balance with work, relaxation, exercise and rest.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fear of physical taxation so that their life can become less fearful and more peaceful.

Isaiah 40:29 tells us: “He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might He increaseth strength.”

5. FEAR OF OTHERS DYING AND LEAVING THEM WITH THE LOAD (RESPONSIBILITIES)

Phlegmatics in Inclusion tend to fear being left with the “load” (responsibilities) if their spouse dies. It is hard for them to work all day and then come home and have to carry the load of taking care of the home and children. This is because it takes too much energy, plus time and “know-how.”

Phlegmatics in Inclusion tend to fear that if a co–worker dies, they must assume more of the workload and/or have to take on the responsibility of training a new person. In either event, they fear it will take too much energy and cause them to be stressed.

Phlegmatics in Inclusion need to learn that God will be with them, no matter what responsibilities they must take on.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fear of others dying and leaving them with the load (responsibilities) so that their life can become less fearful and more peaceful.

Philippians 4:13 tells us: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

CONCLUSION

Phlegmatics in Inclusion need to shine the light of Jesus on their fears and learn that:

1. God wants them to maintain balance in this area and to know that He loves them. He does not want them to fear and become weary in well-doing, as they can be such an inspiration to others.

2. God wants them to maintain a close relationship with Him so that they can learn to balance out preserving their energy and socializing in order to fulfill the call God has on their life.

3. God wants them to maintain a close relationship with Him and learn to seek Him when they need to make changes. He will direct their steps to making changes.

4. God wants them to learn to maintain a close relationship with Him so that He can help them to bring balance into their life regarding work, relaxation, exercise and rest.

5. God wants them to learn to maintain a close relationship with Him and know that He will be with them if they lose a loved one, so they do not need to fear death and dying—He is with them always and is there to support and guide them.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Phlegmatics in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at FEARS in the Inclusion area of the Sanguine.

Home | IR Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

The Star of Bethlehem shone brightly and lit up the way to guide the wise men to find our Savior, Jesus—the Light of the World.

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

See Matthew 2:1-2: “Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem, Saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him.”

John the Baptist was like the Star of Bethlehem shining bright and lighting the way to guide people to Jesus. The Apostle John wrote the following verses describing John the Baptist:

John 1:6-8: “There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light that all men through him might believe. He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light.”

We, too, like the Star of Bethlehem, can shine bright and light up the way to guide the lost souls of this world toward Jesus—the Light of the World.

Isaiah 60:1: “Arise, shine; for thy light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon thee.”

As we are told in the Holy Scriptures, in Bethlehem there was no room in the inn.

Luke 2:7: “And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.”

We need to ask ourselves:

1. “Do I have room for Jesus this Christmas, or do I allow Him to get lost in the hustle and bustle of the preparations?”

2. “Will I put Him first and let His light shine through me this Christmas to show the world that Jesus lives in me?”

Let’s look at how the different temperaments can “shine” the Light of Jesus this Christmas.

The Choleric

Since God created them to be leaders, they can let their “light” shine by using their abilities to organize Christmas programs, dinners, cantatas, pageants, etc.

They need to learn that in order for their “light” to shine they need to work with people rather than trying to just control them.

They tend to want things done their way and tend to not want to listen to the input or suggestions of others; therefore, they need to learn to be willing to allow others to offer their input and suggestions and work as a team.

They tend to take on too many responsibilities and can become stressed and overwhelmed, and their “light” can become dim and of no effect; therefore, they need to learn to maintain balance during this season by not taking on too many leadership responsibilities in order to keep their “light” shining.

The Melancholy

Since God created them to be loners and task-oriented, they can let their “light” shine by using their abilities to work behind the scenes setting up sound equipment, building props, painting, baking pies, cookies and cakes for the luncheons, dinners and church bazaars.

They also need to learn that in order for their “light” to shine they need to be willing to allow others to work with them on Christmas projects.

They tend to take on a project and can become so driven to complete it perfectly that they can become stressed and overwhelmed, and their “light” can become dim and of no effect; therefore, they need to learn to maintain balance during this season so that they do not become stressed by being too perfectionistic and too overwhelmed by their interactions with people.

The Phlegmatic

Since God created them to be peacemakers and negotiators, they can let their “light” shine by using their abilities to keep the peace and help resolve problems that can arise with those involved in the Christmas events.

They tend to be stubborn and dislike being pushed when working on a Christmas project since they are perfectionists and want everything done perfectly!

They tend to tire easily and will withdraw when they are pushed because they have low energy, and when this happens, their “light” can become dim and of little effect; therefore, they need to learn to maintain balance between work and rest during this season in order to keep their “light” shining.

The Sanguine

Since God created them to be relationship-oriented, they can let their “light” shine by using their abilities to bring happiness and excitement to everyone with whom they come in contact. They are like sunshine on a rainy day.

They will tend to make everyone feel welcome because they tend to be able to interact with almost everyone.

They will tend to want to participate in all of the Christmas festivities and be the center of attention; however, they will tend to wear themselves out running from one event to another. When that happens, their “light” can become very dim and of little effect; therefore, they need to learn to maintain balance by being more selective about the events they choose to attend.

The Supine

Since God created them with a gentle spirit and a servant’s heart, they can let their “light” shine by using their abilities to serve others. They tend to find it difficult to turn down any invitation to participate in the Christmas festivities.

They tend to be willing to prepare food for Christmas luncheons and dinners, set up the tables, decorate them, serve the food, and even clean up afterwards.

They will tend to want to participate in every event possible; however, they may deplete their energy and wear themselves out serving and caring for others. When that happens, their “light” can become very dim and of little effect; therefore, they need to learn to maintain balance by learning to decline invitations in order to keep from becoming overwhelmed.

As you can see, all the temperaments can “shine” the Light of Jesus this Christmas. 

Galatians 5:22-23 tells us: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”

As we are filled with the Fruit of the Spirit, His light will shine through us.

Ephesians 4:32 tells us: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Please know that God wants us to be like the Star of Bethlehem and “shine” brightly in this dark world to guide people to Jesus!

Home | IR Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

Psalm 91

Wings

1. He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

3. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

4. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

5. Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

6. Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

7. A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

8. Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

9. Because thou has made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

10. There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

11. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

12. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

13. Thou shalt tred upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

14. Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

15. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

16. With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

FEAR

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

FEAR IS A BIG BULLY AND PREYS ON ALL OF THE TEMPERAMENTS!

Fear can keep us locked up in a prison of darkness. But YOU have the key to get out of this prison of darkness. The key is Jesus!

We need to trust that Jesus will get rid of the bully.

How? Jesus is the Light of the World, and the darkness has to run from Him. And Jesus always keeps His Word.

For example, take a flashlight and shine the light in a dark place and see what happens—the darkness disappears!

The same thing will happen with our fears because Jesus is our Light—our fears will disappear!

The Holy Scriptures tell us:

“Fear not.” It is in our Bible over 70 times and tells us that God is always here for us; however, sometimes, when we are going through the valleys, we tend to let fear creep in and take over.

Encouraging Scriptures regarding fear:

Isaiah 41:10: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

Joshua 1:5: “I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

Psalm 23:4, 5: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

Psalm 27:1: “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?”

Psalm 56:11: “In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.”

Hebrews 13:6: “So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

II Timothy 1:7: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

I John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE FEARS IN THE INCLUSION AREA OF THE MELANCHOLY AND SHINE THE LIGHT OF JESUS ON THEM.

In review, Inclusion is the need to establish and maintain satisfactory relationships with people in the area of surface relationships. (This includes association and socialization.) It also encompasses a person’s intellectual energies.

1. FEAR OF REJECTION

Melancholies in Inclusion tend to fear rejection from people and will tend to reject them first. This is because they do not relate well to people and do not understand them. Since they tend to think a great deal, this fear of rejection may only be perceived.

They need to learn to yield their thoughts to Jesus. They must remember: They are the guardians of their mind and, as guardians, they need to continually submit their fears of rejection to Jesus. If they do this, Jesus will alleviate their fears.

Therefore, they need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of rejection and learn that He loves them. One of the old hymns tells us: “More secure is no one ever than the loved one of the Savior.” When you feel secure in God’s love, you will not tend to fear rejection from people.

Hebrews 13:5b, 6 tells us: “…I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

2. FEAR OF SOCIALIZING

Melancholies in Inclusion tend to have the fear of socializing because they do not relate well to people; they relate better to doing tasks. They tend to fear that people will make demands on them to interact—demands that will make them feel uncomfortable.

If Melancholies in Inclusion are required to attend social functions, they would probably feel more comfortable working in the background doing tasks such as setting up sound equipment, building scenery, painting, cooking, etc.

When they have a task to perform, they can avoid being drawn into interacting with people; however, if someone draws them into a conversation, they will do the listening and may even talk about their work or the weather. They usually do not like to be questioned regarding their personal life as they prefer not to share their personal thoughts and feelings.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of socializing so that they can comfortably interact and fellowship with God’s people.

I John 1:7 tells us: “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.”

3. FEAR OF IMPERFECTION OF SELF AND OTHERS

Melancholies in Inclusion tend to fear that they do not measure up to their own ideals of perfection; therefore, no one else could ever see them as perfect either. In their own eyes they are never perfect enough.

Since they cannot see perfection within themselves, they will then tend to look at others thinking that they are perfect; however, Melancholies in Inclusion soon find out that others also have imperfections. They may even begin to think to themselves: “Nobody is perfect and nobody can be perfect.” Therefore, to compensate for their own feelings of imperfection or inadequacy they may become highly critical of others.

Melancholies in Inclusion need to know that only Jesus is totally perfect and that they need to give themselves and others the freedom to be imperfect.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of imperfection. They need to remember that Jesus is Perfection, and that as they yield their strengths and weaknesses to Him, He will do the perfecting in them as well as in others. Then, Melancholies in Inclusion will truly be able to accept themselves and others as God created them to be and will know that we are all works in progress.

II Samuel 22:33 tells us:God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.”

Psalm 138:8 tells us: The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth forever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.”

4. FEAR OF DEATH AND DYING

Melancholies in Inclusion tend to fear death and dying. They tend to have many questions such as: “Will I linger in pain and die a slow death?” “Will I be able to take care of myself?” “Who will take care of me if I can’t take care of myself?” “Will I have to leave my home and go to a health care center?”

The reason they have all of these questions in their mind is that they usually do not want to leave their home or even want to live with one of their children, and they do not want to live in a nursing home. This is because their home is their “castle,” their “safe haven” away from the rest of the world, and also, they do not want to have strangers take care of them. They will not usually talk to people about this because they do not want them to know of their fears; but they will tend to think about all of this constantly.

If they continually dwell on thoughts of death, and dying they may even think about committing suicide to escape these thoughts and to escape the inevitable—leaving their home.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of death and dying. They need to learn that He is their true “safe haven” and they can always “run to Him.”

Psalm 23:4 tells us: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.”

Isaiah 41:10 tells us: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

5. FEAR OF FINANCIAL INSECURITY

Melancholies in Inclusion tend to be concerned about their finances. Some tend to need to pay cash for everything; some tend to need to have a certain amount of money in their pocket; some tend to need to buy land as an investment; some will tend to clip coupons; and some will tend to only buy items that are on sale. If they have investments, they will tend to watch the stock market reports daily. If the market goes down, they tend to become fearful and become insecure.

Melancholies in Inclusion may tend to feel insecure with their job. They may think: “What will I do if I lose my job?” “How will I support myself and my family?”

Dwelling on financial insecurities may even cause them to entertain suicidal thoughts to escape the pressure.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of financial insecurity because God said that He will supply all their needs.

Philippians 4:19 tells us: But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

Matthew 6:30 tells us: “Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you….?”

CONCLUSION

Melancholies in Inclusion need to shine the light of Jesus on their fears and learn that:

1. God will never leave them or forsake them, and they do not have to fear rejection from people.

2. God wants them to fellowship with other believers and be at peace with their neighbors and co-workers.

3. God wants them to know that He will do the perfecting of others as well as of themselves.

4. God wants them to trust in Him, and not to fear death and dying as He is with them always.

5. God wants them to trust in Him, and He will supply their needs.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Melancholy in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue, we will look at FEARS in the Inclusion area of the Phlegmatic.

Temperament Corner

Psalm 91

Wings
  1. He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
  2. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
  3. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
  4. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
  5. Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
  6. Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
  7. A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
  8. Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
  9. Because thou has made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;
  10. There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
  11. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
  12. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
  13. Thou shalt tred upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.
  14. Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.
  15. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.
  16. With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

Fear

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

FEAR IS A BIG BULLY AND PREYS ON ALL OF THE TEMPERAMENTS! Fear can keep us locked up in a prison of darkness. But YOU have the key to get out of this prison of darkness. The key is Jesus!

We need to trust that Jesus will get rid of the bully.

How? Jesus is the Light of the World, and the darkness has to run from Him. And Jesus always keeps His Word.

For example, take a flashlight and shine the light in a dark place and see what happens—the darkness disappears!

The same thing will happen with our fears because Jesus is our Light—our fears will disappear!

The Holy Scriptures tell us”

“Fear not.” It is in our Bible over 70 times and tells us that God is always here for us; however, sometimes, when we are going through the valleys, we tend to let fear creep in and take over.

Encouraging Scriptures regarding fear:

Isaiah 41:10: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

Joshua 1:5: “I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

Psalm 23:4, 5: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

Psalm 27:1: “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?”

Psalm 56:11: “In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.”

Hebrews 13:6: “So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

II Timothy 1:7: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

I John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE FEARS IN THE INCLUSION AREA OF THE CHOLERIC AND SHINE THE LIGHT OF JESUS ON THEM.

In review, Inclusion is the need to establish and maintain satisfactory relationships with people in the area of surface relationships. (This includes association and socialization.) It also encompasses a person’s intellectual energies.

1. FEAR OF BEING EXPOSED

Cholerics in Inclusion tend to be afraid that people will find out who they really are. This is because they wear many “masks” or “hats.” They can become whomever it takes to accomplish their goals. Sometimes they do not even know “who” they are! They can be sweet and charming, cold, calculating and aloof, or just neutral—whatever it takes. Some Cholerics in Inclusion may even call themselves “The Great Pretender.” There was a song popular back in the 50’s called The Great Pretender, “pretending to be what I’m not, you see…..”

Their fear of being exposed and of others finding out who they really are is a driving force that can lead them to burnout.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears, and let Him expose the masks that they are wearing, as well as their negative thoughts about themselves.

Philippians 4:8 tells us: “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

2. FEAR OF SAYING NO WHEN ASKED TO ORGANIZE SOCIAL EVENTS

Cholerics in Inclusion tend to be afraid to say no because they want and need the recognition and approval from those around them.

The need for recognition and approval is a driving force and can lead to burnout.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of not receiving enough recognition and approval from those around them. God will give them all the recognition and approval they will ever need.

Matthew 25:21 tells us: “His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant…”

3. FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO LIVE UP TO THEIR OWN STANDARDS OF PERFECTION

Cholerics in Inclusion are very hard on themselves, setting standards that even they can’t meet; then, because of their need for perfection, they will fear that they can’t measure up to their own standards and will tend to strive or push themselves to do better.

The fear of not being able to live up to their own standards of perfection can lead to burnout.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of meeting their need for perfection. God only requires reasonable service. They need to learn that as they submit to God, He will do the perfecting.

Hebrews 13:20-21: “Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is well-pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

See also II Samuel 22:33: “God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.”

4. FEAR OF OTHERS NOT LIVING UP TO THEIR STANDARDS OF PERFECTION

Cholerics in Inclusion tend to fear delegating to others because they are afraid that they will not live up to their standards of perfection. If the others do not meet their standards of perfection, then the Choleric in Inclusion will tend to take over and cause themselves undue stress, all because they need to receive recognition and approval rather than criticism.

The fear of delegating responsibilities to others that may not live up to their standards of perfection can lead to burnout.

They need to learn to shine the light of Jesus on their fears of delegating to others and learn to allow others to be imperfect. God will do the perfecting in others as well as in themselves.

Proverbs 16:3: “Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.”

See also Hebrews 7:19: “For the law made nothing perfect, but the bringing in of a better hope did; by the which we draw nigh unto God.”

CONCLUSION

Cholerics in Inclusion need to learn that:

  1. God knows them and will reveal to them how to take off their “masks” and
    “hats” and truly serve Him.
  2. God will give them all the recognition and approval they will ever need.
  3. God only requires reasonable service.
  4. God will do the perfecting of others as well as themselves.
  5. God wants us to do our best, He knows that we are not perfect, but that we are all works in progress.

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Choleric in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

Temperament Corner

A Pearl of Great Value – Supine in Inclusion

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

Matthew 13:45-46 (NIV) tells us: “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

God sees each of us as a pearl of great value.  He paid dearly for us with His Son, Jesus! We are more valuable and precious to Him than we can ever imagine!

As counselors, people come to you hurting and broken; they tend to feel that they have no value, that they are invisible, hidden, overlooked, and that nobody cares.

Can you, as a counselor, see them as a pearl of great value, as God does?

Question: “Why is a pearl so valuable?”

The answer is: “In order to have a pearl of great value, the pearl must go through a tremendous amount of irritation; and during the process, it becomes refined and beautiful.”

Some pearls have more irritations than others, just as some people have more irritations than others.

The people that come to you are going through irritations—emotionally, physically and/or spiritually.

Many times when your counselees are going through their hurts, pains, and suffering, they tend to feel that there is no hope.

You, as a temperament counselor, have a calling on your life—to help God’s hurting people.

You are there to give them HOPE – Jesus!

God wants you to see each person that comes to you as a “pearl of great value.”

With the APS profile, God has given us insight into how He created us with our strengths, weaknesses, and needs—an inside look at His pearls of great value.

Since you too have gone through a refining process with your hurts and suffering and pain, you can use what you have gone through to help and encourage your counselees.

We are going to look at the Supine in Inclusion to see what may be irritating them and causing them stress in the Inclusion area:

1. Fear of Social Rejection:

Supines in Inclusion want and need to interact with people; however, they tend to perceive rejection and will stand back and wait for a personal invitation rather than initiate. If they do not receive a personal invitation, they may isolate themselves and withdraw from people. This, in turn, will cause them stress as they need to interact with people.

Physically: Because of their perceived fear of rejection, they may suffer from high blood pressure, stomach problems, headaches, ulcers, etc. Emotionally: Because of their perceived fear of rejection and feelings of having no value, they may find themselves on a roller-coaster ride full of self-pity and self-rejection. They tend to cry a lot because they are thinking that people do not like them. As a result, they want to run away from other people and themselves; however, as we all know, we cannot run away from ourselves.

Spiritually: Because of their perceived fear of rejection, they may even fear that God will reject them, too. They may even think thoughts such as, “If people are going to reject me, God probably will, too.”

Therefore, they need to learn:

  1. That God created them and accepts them just as they are and that it is all right to initiate. If they learn to initiate, it will alleviate many of their physical problems.
  2. That it is all right to have a good cry because crying helps them to relieve their stress. After a good cry, they can then take a deep breath and move forward.
  3. That God is always with them, so they are never alone. They need to take time to talk with God (and listen to Him), read the Holy Scriptures, surround themselves with songs of praise and worship, and find a church where they can fellowship with God’s people.

See Isaiah 41:13: “For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” See also Hebrews 13:5: “…I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

2.   Inability to say “no”

Supines in Inclusion tend to be unable to just say “no.” They want to say “no,” but they are afraid that the people around them will be displeased or upset with them. This, in turn, will tend to cause them stress.

Physically: Because of their inability to say “no,” they can become physically drained and unable to complete their commitments. Yet they will still take on more responsibility than they can possibly handle. This, in turn, will tend to cause them to be stressed to the “hilt.” All because they cannot say “no.”

Emotionally: Because of their inability to say “no,” they can become stressed (emotionally drained) when they are overloaded with responsibilities. They will then become easily irritated with people. They may have a difficult time sleeping because they cannot stop thinking about everything they must do. The Supine in Inclusion needs to socialize with people and also needs to do tasks.

Spiritually: Because of their inability to say “no,” they can become so overwhelmed with tasks and obligations that they do not have any time to spend with God. When they do pray, they tend to have a long list of complaints about how people are overloading them.

Therefore, they need to learn:

  1. To say, “No, I cannot take on any new responsibilities until I pray about it.” By doing this, they will no longer be as stressed and drained and will be able to follow through on their commitments.
  2. That when they say “no,” they will not be as emotionally drained and will not be as irritated with people. They need to be with people as well as do tasks. Learning to say “no” can help them to maintain balance between doing tasks and being with people.
  3. That God gave them a servant’s heart and a gentle spirit, but He did not call them to be a doormat.

See Acts 5:29: “…We ought to obey God rather than men.” See also Colossians 3:23-24: “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.”

3. Fear of expressing their needs

A great deal of stress can occur when the needs of the Supine in Inclusion go unmet because of their fear of expressing their needs.
Physically: Because of their fear of expressing their needs, they tend to withdraw physically from people. They tend to become angry because they expect people to know what their needs are and, as we all know, it is not realistic to expect people to read their minds. They will then tend to say, “My feelings are hurt,” rather than say, “I am angry,” when others do not meet their needs. They believe that it is much easier for them to say, “My feelings are hurt.” The bottom line is that their “hurt feelings” are actually their internalized anger.

Emotionally: Supines in Inclusion tend to “bury” their needs deep inside of them. After a period of time, these unmet needs will begin to stack up, and when the Supine in Inclusion can’t handle anymore, their anger will come spewing out. When this happens, they no longer want to serve others as they feel unappreciated for what they do for others. Supines in Inclusion tend to feel that if they must express their needs, others will comply out of duty or responsibility, and they will never know if the others genuinely wanted to help them.

Spiritually: Supines in Inclusion may withdraw from God because they believe that no one, including God, feels that they have any value. They can then lose their “gentle” spirit because they have pulled away from the Spirit of God.

Therefore, they need to learn:

  1. To admit that their “hurt feelings” are actually their internalized anger and must be dealt with. After they admit that it is anger, they can then forgive the person who angered them. Once they forgive those who “hurt their feelings” (made them angry), they will no longer have stress in this area. They must remember that their body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and they must learn to maintain this body in order to fulfill the call God has on their life.
  2. That others cannot read their mind and that when they do not express their needs, they are sending messages that they have no needs. This is called indirect behaviors, and if these needs go unmet, they will begin to fester and cause emotional stress.
  3. That fear does not come from the Lord and that they must learn to express their needs more directly. They need to draw closer to the Lord and trust Him so that they do not lose their “gentle” spirit and servant’s heart.

See I Chronicles 16:11: “Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his face continually.”

See also I John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Supine in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

Home | IR Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review


IR Spotlight

Apostle Brenda Ward

Creation Therapy & Mental Health
“ And The Church… The Truth”

Pastor Brenda Ward of Cobbs Creek, VA, is a Certified Pastoral Member of the Sarasota Academy of Christian Counseling and has been an International Representative since April 13, 2018. She is also a member of the NCCA.

As an International Representative, I have been able to use Creation Therapy to help individuals discover their inborn part of themselves and reach their God given potential. The remarkable results of using APS and Creation Therapy together has helped individuals determine why they react to situations, things and people the way they do. In addition, it helps them cope with major mental health challenges, stress, unforgiveness, painful situations, and low self-esteem. As a Certified Temperament Counselor, Licensed Pastoral Counselor and a License Qualified Mental Health Professional, introducing Creation Therapy with the assistance of an APS assessment to those with mental health challenges has proven to bring about a remarkable change in their lives. Many have discovered that they don’t have to accept living in Lo Debar, because God has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness. Lo Debar represents a state of mind and/or a physical place where an individual is in constant fear, depression and worrying. They are feeling unloved, forgotten, unsuccessful, unappreciated, lonely, unwanted and trapped with no way out, just to name a few. Lo Debar, in today’s terms, signifies a belief system that is contrary to the Word of God which leads to a state of despair without hope and strongholds.

When individuals discover their God given temperament through Creation Therapy it leads them to the confidence they need to discover and identify the hidden behavioral problems within their lives. Creation Therapy is a great tool in addressing a wide range of clinical and behavioral issues, that are negatively impacting individuals’ daily lives, such as anger, depression, anxiety, PTSD, including dysfunctional and functional issues. As a Christian Counselor I have used, and continue to use, this tool to assist individuals in achieving their short and long-term goals for both spiritual and emotional well-being.

As a Pastor, I strongly recommend that other Pastors introduce Creation Therapy to their church. I witnessed a CEO of a major mental health agency require that their new hires take the APS as part of their hiring package. Clients have voiced that Creation Therapy and APS assessments work when other counseling techniques fail.

As I mentioned earlier Lo Debar is a belief system, and this belief system is no respecter of persons. People of all walks of life have entered into this place of despair: Preachers, Christians, Politicians, and Teachers. This is why I feel so strongly about introducing Creation Therapy to the Body of Christ and the importance of the magnitude of mental illness is staggering as it affects us regardless of age, gender, economic status or ethnicity. Mental illness has not missed the church. The body, regardless of our denomination, is not immune to mental health disorders and illnesses. One in four church members sitting in the church pews, on the usher board, in the Sunday School and children’s church, on the deacon and mothers board, including our leader will face a challenge with mental illness for either themselves or within their family. In contrast, unfortunately, most of our religious communities still to this day remain silent when it comes to the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding of mental disorders as an illness that is treatable beyond that of faith and seclusion.  Many in the household of faith continue to struggle and are suffering in silence. We are attempting to carry the fear, the shame, and the rejection while portraying a stigma that we have it all together. We have a perception that disclosing the truth will have a negative impact on our families and our ministries. “Untreated and un-counseled” mental illness has resulted in a decline of church attendance as many are walking away from their callings and purpose ultimately committing suicide and prematurely ending their lives.

As the salt of the Earth and Kingdom representatives, we are to be the ones speaking up in our faith communities regarding mental health concerns. In the darkest hours of our closest loved ones and neighbors our knowledge, support, and advocacy matters. Faith leaders that are open about their own journeys of mental health have made a huge impact with removing the “stigma and isolation” that can hinder mental health awareness, self-growth, and restoration. It is imperative that we impart the understanding that we are not alone and are still worthy of love and non-judgmental support.

Stigma is defined as a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance. Stigma is the extra weight of what others feel, see, or view in me as placed on top of my actual reality. Stigma is powerful and pervasive and is encountered immensely by individuals with mental illness.  Stigma is known to contribute to causing disruption in the closest of family relationships. Stigma aides in the lowering of one’s self-esteem and adversely affecting our ability to socialize, grow, and maintain the most basic elements of life.

Many Christians are not encouraged to seek counseling, but instead, they are encouraged to pray harder and “have more faith.” As the Body of Christ, we have much work to do to address the crisis associated with mental illness, and it will not all be done Sunday morning at the altar. Unfortunately, very few ministries incorporate adequate information concerning the ministry of mental health into their core curriculum. Individuals with mental health challenges have shown to prefer to go to their spiritual leader for help, comfort, and support. The clergy has been the least effective in being prepared to provide appropriate support and referral information leaving our sheep to fend for themselves unknowingly.  We need to make the shift away from stigmatizing mental health as a moral failing and provide resources that support and sustain those with mental health issues and their families.

Let me be very clear, I do believe in miracles. I do believe in deliverance. I do believe in signs and wonders. I also know that we perish for lack of knowledge and in all things, we are to get understanding. It is not the Father’s will that we suffer. Isaiah 53:5 states that the chastisement of our peace was upon him. We are entitled to mental health, and it is, in fact, a faith move; however, faith without works is dead. We must be prepared to provide tangible support to the Earth realm. We cannot afford to continue to lose lives based on holding on to a perception which is a stigma when God has provided the tools and resources to better ourselves. 3 John 2 says: Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health (physically) and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well (spiritually) NIV.

May Grace be with you!

Home | IR Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review

Temperament Corner

A Pearl of Great Value – Sanguine in Inclusion

Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

Matthew 13:45-46 (NIV) tells us: “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

God sees each of us as a pearl of great value.  He paid dearly for us with His Son, Jesus! We are more valuable and precious to Him than we can ever imagine!

As counselors, people come to you hurting and broken; they tend to feel that they have no value, that they are invisible, hidden, overlooked, and that nobody cares.

Can you, as a counselor, see them as a pearl of great value, as God does?

Pearl

Question: “Why is a pearl so valuable?”

The answer is: “In order to have a pearl of great value, the pearl must go through a tremendous amount of irritation; and during the process, it becomes refined and beautiful.”

Some pearls have more irritations than others, just as some people have more irritations than others.

The people that come to you are going through irritations—emotionally, physically and/or spiritually.

Many times when your counselees are going through their hurts, pains, and suffering, they tend to feel that there is no hope.

You, as a temperament counselor, have a calling on your life—to help God’s hurting people.

You are there to give them HOPE – Jesus!

God wants you to see each person that comes to you as a “pearl of great value.”

With the APS profile, God has given us insight into how He created us with our strengths, weaknesses, and needs—an inside look at His pearls of great value.

Since you too have gone through a refining process with your hurts and suffering and pain, you can use what you have gone through to help and encourage your counselees.

We are going to look at the Sanguine in Inclusion to see what may be irritating them and causing them stress in the Inclusion area:

1. Isolation from People:

Sanguines in Inclusion thrive on being with people as people energize them. They tend to be outgoing, upbeat, optimistic and inspiring; however, being alone can be very stressful for them. When they are alone, they will tend to swing in a downward spiral and become moody, stressed and depressed.

Physically: If they are isolated from people, Sanguines in Inclusion may tend to compensate for the stress of being alone by binge-eating, excessive drinking, gambling, using drugs, etc. They may even neglect their personal hygiene, e.g., not bathing, wearing the same clothes for days without changing, etc.

Emotionally: If they are isolated from people, Sanguines in Inclusion may become moody and stressed. This will tend to cause them to swing from being upbeat and happy to downbeat and sad. They will tend to have a “pity party” and pout. What usually brings them out of this swing is to get out and be with people again. Usually, no matter how hard you try to make them happy, they can be so “down” that they will tend to pull others down by just being around them. They will swing upward when they come to the point that they cannot stand to be alone with themselves.

Spiritually: If they are isolated from people, Sanguines in Inclusion may be so stressed that they do not want to pray and spend time with God. They tend to just want to sit around and “pout.” And if they pray to God, they tend to do all the talking rather than listening.

Therefore, they need to learn:

1. To seek employment where they can interact with people. They also need to learn to bring into balance their socializing and their responsibilities.

2. To reward themselves after they complete their responsibilities, since they are reward oriented.

3. That God is always with them, so they are never alone. They need to take time to talk with God (and listen to Him), read their Holy Scriptures, surround themselves with songs of praise and worship, and find a church where they can fellowship with God’s people.


See James 4:8: “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.”

2.   Social Rejection:

For Sanguines in Inclusion, social rejection is usually so stressful to them that they will conform to the behavior of others in order to not be rejected.

Physically: Sanguines in Inclusion may attempt to compensate for the stress of rejection by turning to drugs, alcohol, gambling, drinking and running with the wrong crowd. When they do this, their health usually suffers as they do not eat properly and neglect their personal hygiene.

Emotionally: Sanguines in Inclusion tend to want to be the center of attention. They may try to get this attention by becoming loud and boisterous, then, if they do not receive the attention they need, they tend to “swing” from being upbeat and happy to downbeat and sad. They will tend to “mope” around and have a pity party (pout). They will not swing back to being upbeat until they are accepted by people again.

Spiritually: Sanguines in Inclusion tend to say and do things that are not pleasing to God in order to keep from being rejected; therefore, they may pull away from God as they may think He will also reject them because of their behavior.

Therefore, they need to learn:

1. That trying to please people in ungodly ways will not alleviate their stress from social rejection; it can only bring on more stress as they tend to neglect their health by not eating correctly, drinking, etc., and by not taking care of their personal hygiene.

2. Not to always try to dominate the conversation and be the center of attention but rather allow others to talk. When they are more considerate of the needs of others, they will find that they have fewer feelings of rejection, and their downward mood swings will become minimal.

3. That God created them and He is always with them. When they say and do things that are not pleasing to God in order to keep from being rejected, they need to learn to ask for His forgiveness and draw closer to Him rather than pull farther away.


See Hebrews 13:5: “…for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

3.  Tasks:

For Sanguines in Inclusion, being required to do tasks all day will cause them stress. Sanguines in Inclusion need to be able to communicate with people; tasking all day is unthinkable to the Sanguine. They just cannot concentrate on a task for long periods of time; their mind will trail off, and they may daydream—dreaming that they are with people. If they must task all day, they need to be able to have “people” breaks in order to alleviate their stress.

Physically: Sanguines in Inclusion may arrive late for work because they know that it is going to be a long, dull day. They will not care what they look like; they may look like they just “rolled” out of bed, e.g., unshaven, needing a haircut and wearing wrinkled clothes. In other words, personal hygiene is last on their “to do” list.

Emotionally: Sanguines in Inclusion may become moody and stressed if they are required to do tasks without being able to interact with people. Their work will tend to suffer; it can become sloppy and haphazard, and they may make blatant errors and not follow through on their obligations all because of stress created by not being able to interact with people. This stress will throw them into their downward swing mode. They will no longer be upbeat and happy.

Spiritually: Sanguines in Inclusion may be so stressed that they do not want to pray and spend time with God. They tend to feel all alone, like they are the only ones on the planet. They will tell you that they need a “real” person with skin on to talk to, and that when they pray, they still feel the need to talk with people.

Therefore, they need to learn:

1. That if they are isolated from people to find godly ways to meet their need for socializing, e.g., going to church, Bible studies, joining adult/youth groups, joining exercise groups, etc.

2. To put God first and seek Him when they are lonely because He created them and He is with them always. He is just a prayer away. By doing this, it will lessen their fear of rejection.

3. That tasks will stress them. When seeking employment, they need to find a job where they can interact with people as well as doing tasks. At the very least, they should try to seek employment where they can play music in order for them to “feel” that they are around people.


See Psalm 18:6: “In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.”

PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling the Sanguine in Inclusion you must take into consideration their walk with the Lord, learned behavior, personality and birth order.

In the next issue we will look at the Pearl of Great Value—Supine in Inclusion.

Home | IR Spotlight | Temperament Corner | Book Review